ALL SIGNS POINT TO TURN AROUND DUMBASS

call me unlucky, call me a jinx. either way, i'm feelin' pretty shitty for myself.

today, on the car ride home from school i uttered, "actually i really like going to the gym so i'll definitely go tonight" or something like that. as soon as i said it i knew something had gone awry. i didn't know that i had jinxed myself, but i definitely felt an atmospheric shift, and i instantly regretted saying it. ever since sunday (...yesterday...) i've become quite cocky about my gym outings. on sunday i was up ridiculously early because i was dog sitting, and the dog is psychotic. so i drove home at like 7:15 AM and from there went to the gym. i left at around 9 AM and was sitting pretty, ego-wise.

so tonight, i got on my cocky gym outfit, this time with short-shorts because of the blessed heat. i really wanted to go, mostly to evade studying for the math final that i know i'm going to fail (that's not a jinx-it's a fact). but when i came upstairs, my mom looked at me and said, "what? are you going to the gym?!" it is this sentence that i absolutely despise. i almost didn't get a membership on account of my mother judging me and then she goes and says this. i don't like my mother in my bidness. even if she wasn't judging me about something like not going to the gym, i don't appreciate my decisions being questioned and i especially don't like people thinking about what i do at the gym. maybe i'm neurotic, but i'm just not comfortable with it, and i became quite crabby after she said that.

needless to say, it went downhill from there.

i arrived at the gym parking lot only to realize halfway to the gym door that i didn't lock my car. on the walk back to my car i remembered that i had lost my padlock on my previous gym visit, and that i needed to scrounge my centurybuick for such. it was then, as i was sprawled in the front seat, that gravity seized its opportunity to attempt to diminish the size of my abnormally large head, and i plummeted, literally, to the floor of the back seat, head first. this was more funny than painful, i optimistically decided, as a woman was walking past my car when it happened, and i thought that the sound of laughter after the thump would be reassuring to her.

once i realized that my lock was not anywhere in my car, i huffed to the locker room to just get the visit over with, slowly coming to terms with the fact that the visit wasn't going to be satisfactory in any way. this time as i leaned down to tie my shoes, my head did not act as an anchor to the ship that is my body, and i successfully made it out of the locker room unscathed.

i got to the treadmills with the tvs on them, in the back, and hopped onto one next to a small asian woman doing some serious speed walking. i tried to turn on my tv, but it didn't work and i quickly hopped on to the one next to that, and started walking. it was about 30 seconds into my brisk walk when i registered that it probably looked like i just didn't want to be next to her, because i hadn't even started that treadmill.

well, i ran for 10 minutes, which was okay. i decided after my substantial "cool down" that i wanted to hit my favorite, the elliptical. usually, there are a number of ellipticals open in the back, but for some reason, today, at 9 PM, all but two were in use. i hopped on the first one (i'm not using "hopped" carelessly  y'all, that's really how i get on exercise machines) and hit the tv button. it didn't work. no matter, i'll just go on the other open one down there, i thought. nope. after properly procuring my regular settings on it (the television channel turned to the bachelor or the twins game, depending on which sex is next to me, i don't know why) i realized that the levels (of...tension? idk what it's called) didn't work and it was stuck on 1. which isn't that far of a level down from my normal routine, but hey, i was starting to get irritated. then i went to the movie theater, hopefully to avoid any other mishaps.

for those of you who don't know gold's gym, the movie theater is this dark, cool, foul smelling room with a giant screen where they show movies (this week, "never say never" ....) and people can work out in the privacy of the darkness. it's nice. anyway, i was really into the chris brown song that was thumpin in my eardrums (iPod), so as i maneuvered my way to the back where the ellipticals are, i wasn't really paying attention to where i was going (let's please remember that it is pitch dark and there isn't much space between an elliptical and the wall). as i turned my Hips That Don't Lie to try and shimmy my way to the only open elliptical, i looked down at my feet so i wouldn't trip on something, and BAM, my skull hit this metal box of what i'm assuming is electrical equipment mounted to the wall. it made a terrible sound and a worse pain in my head. i was utterly embarrased to say the least, and a little bit concerned about having yelled, "FUCKING A!" so loudly. one woman looked back at me, i assumed then because i had just injured myself, (so naturally i gave her a thumbs up,) but now it's becoming clear that it was for the profanity.

with my head held high (literally and mentally) i jumped on the elliptical, ready to forget what had just happened. BUT HELL NO, THE MACHINE DIDN'T FUCKING WORK. so i got off it just as soon as i had jumped on it, and scurried to the goddamn locker room, because by then i had come to the conclusion that the karmic winds did not want my fucking-ass-in-need-of-exericse there.

i was pissed but i feel better now. thanks.