finally

finally someone who gets it:
http://www.boston.com/ae/tv/articles/2008/07/01/in_secret_life_stereotypical_teenagers_talk_about_sex/

he's no adam brody

is it just me, or is this guy super sexyattractivehotcute? -->
he plays Matt Seracen in my latest obsession, Friday Night Lights. FNL is a television drama centered around highschool football. i know, weird, that i would like it. i mostly skip the football scenes.
anyway, Matt Seracen dates the coach's daughter Julie. it's unfortunate, but because the show is centered around football, Matt and Julie's relationship is merely a teenytiny subplot (though i think it carries the show). now, in an episode i recently watched, Julie spoke of a phrase that i've always found deeply disturbing. Matt and Julie had just fucked in Matt's bed when Julie's dad walks in. awkward. and naturally Julie is super upset about this. but later on in the episode she says this phrase that she thinks accurately describes her situation:
"it just really sucks, 'cause i don't feel like i'm daddy's little girl anymore." now i wouldn't describe Julie as an eloquent girl (after all, the show takes place in Texas ¡whatwhat!), but how could she utter something like that?! the phrase "daddy's little girl" disturbs me so much, i had to fight to not through my computer across the room. i mean, i would never want to associate my father with a guy i'm fucking. ew! i don't know...even when i was younger and my peers would wear pink shirts with halos over the phrase "daddy's little girl," i was irritated. i've never felt like i was "daddy's little girl," cuz A.) daddy is a gross word to begin with--it has some sexual connotations that are just plain uncomfortable and B.) it's implying 'daddy' owns you.

does that make sense? maybe i should just leave it at: i find the phrase disgusting. just sayin'. if this blog upset you or confused you in any way please feel free to just stare at that lovely picture above or google (images) Matt Seracen/Zach Gilford and enjoy. (not implying masturbation need be involved, but to each is own..)                                                       the nasty Julie and her humbly attractive Matt in FNL:

depression.

yeah i know i wrote before that i was going to control myself today, but right after i told myself i should quit forever just stop writing, it occurred to me that blogs are different: my blog is for me, not an audience, like other published works are. so...these blogs are for me.

i recently fought a bout of depression. and by recently i mean two seconds ago. i finally (finally?) finished Speak by "Laurie Halse Anderson"(i put her in quotes cuz i don't believe that's a real name). after that, i came to the realization that there is nothing worse than finishing a book you truly love. (either that sounded really deep [i'm pretty sure Frost said something like that] or really superficial [i assume death of a loved one, famine, disease...might be worse]...wait, this "blog is for me," so what do i care?)

anywaysies, i really loved Speak, and when i read the last page i felt the tears a-comin'. not that it deserved tears (i mean i love how she ended it, but it really wasn't a tear-jerking moment), i just felt so sad. i was done reading the book. yes, i could reread it, but would it ever have the same effect on me? damndamndamn i said as i picked up the next book, Dear John. i mean, there is  no way a book by the satist, Nicholas Sparks, could even comparem so naturally i would end up misjudging & hating it from the get-go. because all of Sparks' books insist on following some star-crossed lovers's journey to ultimate doom, it can really take a toll on an impressionable teenager girl's emotionbank. so, naturally, i put the book down and started a blog.
maybe i'm blowing this all out of proportion....i mean it's just a book[Speak]...it couldn't have been that good. maybe i'm just being hormonal about the whole fuckin' thing. maybe i should move on?

intensity is not a charming quality in a young woman

sorry if i scared any of you with the very intense amount of blogs i published yesterday..i'm kind of regretting them now...

but don't worry this will be my only one today.




well, maybe i should see how the rest of the day plays out before making hollow promises.

latest tweets.

[ashton kutcher -- btw, what kind of name is that? it's really weird if you look at it]

[cameron from modern family]

dammit there's more?! irony people, it's irony.

yesyesyes, this would be my 500th blog of the day but you gots to understand----i'm just soooo overwhelmed by the enormous social scene that surrounds me, i need a refuge.

did anybody find irony in my last blog? did you notice "i love movies" but i hate the actors? did you notice "i love George Clooney" but hate his publicist? did you notice "i'm obsessed with E!Online" but am not in-the-know with real current events?
it's called irony and i find a lot of it in my seemingly boring life. but hey, blogs are here to express that, right?

k now i'm gonna go off on a tangent i minimally expressed in my previous blog: why do actors, actresses, singers, and "entertainers" who achieve celebrity status have such fat paychecks? i mean who's mind isn't boggled by the fact that people who work towards solving world issues get paid so much less than Oprah who talks about some world issues on T.V.?

i recently wrote a blog about how Conan O'Brien was forced to leave NBC and how i felt so freakin' sorry for the poor basterd. but it turns out, he wasn't forced, and he was sooo not poor. NBC paid him approximately 45 million dollars to stop doing his show, so now Conan can nurse his oh-so wounded ego in luxury with the money that could be saving lives down in Haiti.
and kristen stewart: yeah, the kajillion dollars she's making for fucking a vampire can go towards her skinny jean collection and the weed she's clearly addicted to, instead of Haiti. but the money normal people spend to sit with a high, skinny jean-clad kristen stewart can totally go towards Haiti and you know, it's issues and stuff *lifts eyebrow, bites lip*

she stole my boyfriend!! oh wait, duh, that's not possible. i mean my wit; she stole my wit.

sonia's also really funny but she disabled commenting on her blog so fuck her, right?

i wonder sometimes what people think about us. well, that was a blatant lie, i wonder what people think about me all the time, but that's just my ego talking. i mean, it's a little, eensy bit weird/retarded to write an entire blog about someone. especially if this someone is a girl. not a boy//boyfriend. but who cares?i care deeply.
anyway....i was going to write something of purpose here but i'm so obsessed with her its all i think about woah what?!just kidding that was a joke omigodddd ok moving on....:


so let's talk dramatic-world-meltdown/apocalypse.
did anyone actually hear about the HorribleHaiti earthquake? i mean, i don't consider myself to really be an in-the-know person, but i watch the news and read the newspaper. well, the tv's on in the background during breakfast sometimes, and there's usually a newspaper on my kitchen counter.......but anyway, i don't remember actually hearing about the earthquake until some celebrities got together and said hey, this is a perfect photoOp!
the damn celebrities rule the fucking world, and it's all our fault. we love them. we love George Clooney and his amazingly humane effort to put together a fundraiser for Haiti. but let's take a closer look at that fundraiser::
what was it exactly, to those of us with the cynical-eye? well, i shall tell you.

a bunch of gorgeous/semi-talented celebs got their make up artists and their stylists and their managers together and said: make me look so good that all the 'normals' contemplate suicide. then they looked to their leader, George Clooney, to give them a feeding ground. this feeding ground was a Hollywood soundstage filled with "telephones" (i put that in quotes cuz i'm not sure if they were real) and chairs. the celebs sat in the chairs and "answered" "telephone" "calls" from fans who were oh-so-desperate to hear their fav celeb's voice. this act of societal-repulsion (in my opinion) spawned donations towards some Haiti fund, and they all got tons of attention for their italicworthy efforts. yay, the celebs are victorious again.

i am in no way downplaying the Haiti crisis. i just think it's mysterious that I found out about the crisis through celebrities & their superhero-like qualities. why did they make such a big deal out of it? why couldn't they individually donate a portion of their billion dollar salaries towards the cause? i mean i love movies yeah, but i think it's insane how much these people get paid (see upcoming blog). and you know what? i read that kristen stewart made her own contribution by--get this--auctioning off her time so some adoring fans could spend lots of cash to be in her glorious presence. (a. that was sarcasm, b. i am obsessed with E!Online----not the actress, so that's why i know this)

also, i think Haiti would be a lot better off if John Travolta didn't fly his own personal jet down there to help them (apparently it's like a portable hospital inside) and instead donated money towards the Red Cross so they could put their professional work to better use. but hey, if he wants the publicity for being a pilot and being rich and being generous, then who am i to question it?

celebrities rule the fucking world---so i apologize for them, Haiti.

hey, soul sister. prepare yourself, immabouts to get real creepy on ya.

because she so generously stupidly granted me the option of using her name in my blog, 
this blog is dedicated to Sonia. 


she's one of the three people who reads my blog (shout out to the other two-- liz! court!) and i thought i'd blurb about her. (should i just talk to you, sonia, because there is really no sense in saying "she" and "her" if you think about it...? oh, no? fine.)

let me tell you (court and liz) about her: she's so modest, it takes all my strength not to slap the rightful boasting out of her (btw, even internally there's only flab where the strength should be). also, she started a blog. mhm. but oops, sorry, i can't give you her url because that's private. i just wanted you to know she's such an amazing writer that even the great thomas friedman is jelly. so now you never have to wonder how she get's such excellent grades while seemingly not doing shit - America's Got Talent, and it's in the form of the one and only SoniBalonithevegetarian. she will do great things some day. (she's the man reference --- loooove it!)

because i recently experienced an important self-revelation, i was fortunate enough to recognize that this blog is merely me wasting your time as per usual (me blabbing about me, myself, and i like a crazy self-whore----does that imply i fuck myself a lot? 'cause that'd be true.) so, i'm taking suggestions about what you'd like to me to write about.






who am i kidding? it's gonna take some serious, extensive therapy for me to stop talking [writing] about myself.

ladies and gents i present to you...

http://www.frucomerci.com/2010/01/20/sex-explained-graphically-by-pens/ 

sitting in the shower is never a good sign

taylor swift is officially annoying.

ok people i took two sudafedPM last night for that little shop of horrors that was my face.
woke up in a puddle of drool...completely nastified by my appearance..

so just wanted to say sorry to those who had to be all up close and personal with me...not proud of it

i'm not coming out of hiding until i've healed the wound

WARNING! the following content may be unsuitable for children under 17

i seem to be in a huge sex-craze lately. i am in no way solicitating sex or saying i have some one to fuck with-- it just seems to be popping into my brain a lot.

today during art, my throat hurt. i have a cold; my trachea felt sore. i wanted a cough drop or some water for this ache. instead of saying this, i turn to my friend and say, "my throat needs a handjob. a real good one, with lots of a lube." then i started rubbing my trachea as a guy would rub his dick. it was a joke, but ladies and gents, that is f-u-c-k-e-d u-p! literally.

then my art teacher started talking about some artist dude who is "an excellent glass-blower". at that point i suddenly find myself muttering to my table "well, i'm an excellent penis-blower." there are two guys at my table. i have never "blown". jesus. (maybe that's what i need---to find jesus.)

then this evening i was slurping down the rest of my glass of milk and as the liquid dripped down the tilted glass i see a penis. seriously, the shape the milk took on as it was being tilted downward was that of the whole male reproductive anatomy.

what the hell?

ace ventura wouldn't care

two new blog ideas sprouted in my brain today in math class.

first of all, the girl next to me asked how to do a math problem. i was in a Speak faze and struggled for a moment to get back to reality. once i figured out what she had said without asking her to repeat (because staring off into space with an intense look on your face is much better than asking "pardon me?"apparently), i said some shitty answer like "oh...um, you put the 2 here and then you add 1 there and yeah..." of course, she was nice about it and giggled and said, "o.k. thanks!" but deep down i knew she was thinking "oh fuck you and your book sheesh all i wanted was a little help god can't help a sista out you dumbass little mothaf---" i could go on. because that sucks: when you ask a stranger for help and they give a crappy answer. so i felt bad about being the crappy answerer. 

well, this was a better blog idea in my head. actually it wasn't in my head: when i thought of it, i pulled out a notebook and wrote the idea down. in retrospect, this was a ridiculously dorky thing to do considering the girl was still sitting next to me and i was in public. i mean honestly, who do i think i am pullin' out a journal like i'm some crazy artist or sumthin?!

ok for the less crazy people my next blog idea is a little more relatable. don't you hate it when teachers make "romantic" jokes in class?

they'll say something like, "how about you do your math homework tonight instead of writing Suzie/Bobby love letters?" then the teacher will laugh at his/her joke and some stupid suck-up will smile in sympathy for the poor basterd. 

personally, i hate this. first of all, why are all lovesick teenagers named "suzie" or "bobby"? secondly, why do they assume we are writing love letters? why are they intruding on our personal business? it makes me very uncomfortable. or when they break up a girl and a boy talking by saying "hey! over there! stop flirting already and listen up!" i mean even i turn red, and i'm not even the one talking (i rarely talk in class; never talk while a teacher is talking; and when i do it's rarely, rarely with boys.) 

again, i think these blog ideas were better unexecuted in my stupid-pretentious-"artist" journal that i'm apparently just carrying around everywhere now...

a matter of taste

so let's talk real-cliche-like.


i hate my parents. firstly, they started to notice my little "habit". and by "habit" i mean use of medicine. now don't worry, i'm not an addict; i don't have issues, but i'll pop the advil (or 3) more often than say, the average 16 year old would. now this average 16 year old's parents would have noticed this "habit" or even started to monitor her intake by now (again, not saying it is an unhealthy intake, but rather unusual for her age group. i don't know why i've started talking in third person but we're going with it.) and because she lives with people who possess unusual if not terrible parenting skills they start to notice every little eensy weensy thing just because she pissed them off about one thing or another..

then there's the singular maternal unit. the woman's a skinny bitch (emphasis on skinny). she's like liz, but if liz had beared two children and had strong calf muscles. it's annoying. she's a forty-some year old adult. and i'm not just saying this as the cliche self conscious teenager: it's obvious. in pictures you can tell who's tipped the scale a bit more than the other. and it's not the one who's carried two fetuses. anyway, now she's upping the ante with a new diet and exercise regimen: last night for dinner we had unflavored salmon with white rice and broccoli. ew. then she brought home two work out dvds: one is literally called "jillian michaels intense work out: lose 20 pounds in 30 days". wtf. she has to be playing a really sick joke on me.

then there's the paternal unit. i don't know if i can even talk about him without sounding like a crazy mean bitch. trust me, i've done it before and gotten my share of looks. but you just have to be me and live with him and then you'd understand.



ahhh to be a cliché teenager...

subsequent to 26 days ago....

here are my new year's resolutions laid out in the open for all to enjoy:

i'm going to be optimistic. all my life i've been told im too pessimistic, and then just recently i was bombarded by a very rude awakening (and by awakening i mean text message) concerning my attitude. so now i am going to "make the conscious decision to change my attitude and become optimistic" (the then utter bullshit i wrote for my English final - which i aced bitches!)
**please note that this blog is for venting purposes; i will be damn well pessimistic on this site.

i'm going to read more and watch less TV (wow that was obnoxious; i think we all know the latter is a blatant lie)

i'm going to swear less, because it is very unbecoming. (what is another word for "bullshit"?)

long skirts are for wimps.

even though i recently made a disturbing discovery pertaining to the blogs i've been posting, i have decided to put on a brave face and march onward... (a very rare occurrence)

wanna know the super confusing debacle i found myself in today? well here i've been thinking all my life that i'm a person of change: i support obama; i rearrange the furniture in my room monthly; and i've always found excitement in new schedules (school wise). 

however today i found out that that is utter b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t. 

first, i endured AP World History at seven forty five in the fucking morning. how the hell are we supposed to focus on worldwide revolutions and the early modern period at that time?! 

then came biology with the world's worst teacher. he informed us today that he was "proud" of the 'C' average his classes got on the final.

then he merely acknowledged, but didn't dare apologize for the fact that our class got two weeks behind  because of his need for us to waste our time out in the ELC looking for leaf patterns. did you read that correctly? no? well let me clarify- LEAF PATTERNS!!!!! but oh don't worry, this semester we'll be sure to fall even farther behind with the extra-curricular wild flower and bird unit. that was not bullshit - he actually said that.

then i ended the day with a class that i thought would be easy; one for beginners. turns out Commercial Arts is actually for the gifted; those who've taken a few advanced drawing courses. can you say 'fuck me'?

OCD and other good times

you know what's awesome? obsessive compulsive disorder. truly. it's so much fun: you do things like turn down interaction with other human beings, so instead you can put more time and effort into internet-investigating the latest television show you're hooked on.

and you wanna know what the best part is: that television show? yeah. it's not even on the air anymore.

but don't worry. that's the fun part- the chase. though you never really remember exactly when or how you first got obsessed, the steps towards true OCD are always pretty similar:

1. wikipedia the show: find out the actors/actresses, the producers, the writers (oh yeah: and don't forget to stalk them individually as well).
2. go on netflix/itunes; see if there's a legal way of watching the show.
3. when that fails, because inevitably, it will: search "watch ______ online for free", and google will find you a gigantic list of sites that will be sure to spawn more obsession.
4. make sure there is a surplus of videos awaiting you on youtube, so that there's never a dull moment (i.e. you're waiting your website to load the latest episode)
5. finally: just enjoy; you're officially psychotic! now sit back, relax, and let it take over your life :)

HAHA

"I live next door to Conan. Maybe I should knock on his door and give him a hug to make him feel better Or at least a handjob with lotion"


~JENNY MCCARTHY via Twitter

But Still..

is "but still" a  contradiction? like, "tiny little"? is that poor grammar? i've never noticed, but i say that/write that quite often.

shit

YouTube Comments.

Has anybody ever noticed the comments at the bottom of a YouTube video? I might just be really OCD, but I try and make it a point to never ever never ever never even catch a glimpse of those, because of some real disturbing instances i've encountered with them. You either got some preteen that thinks they're cool so they type as many swear words into a comment as possible. Or you've got some actual creep, who writes shit like, "i only watched this video so i could jack off to her" ....ugh...they really creep me out. and i don't like those "nice" people who write "genuine" stuff like, "oh you're so pretty." also gives me the creeps. or because they're youtube idiots they write "your so pretty." i mean, come on people, spell check. (i love how spell check is a verb now and not just a program Gates invented)

however, occasionally, very very very occasionally, i'll catch a glimpse and find a hilarious one, like the one that's posted at the top of this page. on a side note, i thought it was very fitting as the slogan for my blog. on a more logical note, that comment was for Hilary Duff's NylonTV interview [hehe!]

Rain

i know it's cool right now to love rain (like all those deep, poetic people finding it soothing and shit?) but i just can't take it. i find it very depressing. i read somewhere/or heard somewhere? that sunlight actually triggers like a chemical in your body that makes you happy. i really believe that (i know what your thinking, its a fact, its science shut up meghan), but still i can see it with myself.

for instance, have you ever rode on a bus in the rain? worst feeling ever. so depressing.
have you ever been to California? i've never been there, but i'm assuming its the best feeling ever. so sunny.

ironically, right now ye 'ol cali is experiencing not-so-moderate, not-so-normal rainy weather conditions.
but still, it's called the sunshine state for a reason.


or is that arizona? florida? yeah thats it.

Conan vs. Leno: TEAM COCO

Dear Internet,

Here I am, watching Conan O'Brien's last Tonight Show monologue. Let me tell you, it's quite sad. He just said, "We didn't rehearse today, because we didn't care....we've all been drinking..." Yeah. Quite sad. I feel horrible for him. I've made it a point this week to watch all of his monologues because I knew the end was near...and all he has done is make me feel more and more bad for him.

Ok, they just did a montage of the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien clips to the song "Surrender". Yeah.

I mean what the hell NBC? What the hell Leno?

He's kind of funny...and look at that hair!

Ooh the musical guest is Neil Young. And he just retracted the drinking statement.

Go team Edw---CONAN

Twitter

I think Twitter might be the epitome of what our society has come to (not a good thing) but nevertheless, i now have (share) a twitter account. here's what i've learned from this apparently quite normal Internet experience:

• Aziz Ansari was (still is) a cutie-pie:::see picture to right ----------->
• Tom Hank twitters. Oh yeah, and so does Barbara Walters. Uh huh.


• http://twitter.com/BarbaraJWalters
• http://twitter.com/tomhanks


• Kim Kardashian is still a loser in real life: just...just...well you'll see after the jump http://twitter.com/KimKardashian
• Seth Meyers is 500% less cute on twitter (i know, i too was disappointed that he had sunk to such a mediocre level)https://twitter.com/sethmeyers21ok..just found out this might not actually be seth meyers...
• and everbody on Modern Family talks to eachother...via Twitter..i so thought they were all cooler than this but whatevs...http://tweetphoto.com/9220912

i think twitter really makes you think about how globalized our world is; how truly flat it is, as the late, great thomas friedman would have said...

[please note::thomas friedman is NOT dead, i just thought "late, great" sounded good]

Health Class

being as it was probably my most interesting class of semester 1, sophomore year, i thought i'd share some characteristics of it with y'all:

• a clearly well dressed, polished, hair-gelled (can you say metrosexual?) male-junior brought his ukulele to class on more than one occassion and proceeded to play it (and sing). that's not even the odd part: i'm the only one who ever seemed to notice this occurence
• during the last day of that class three different people brought in their laptops (with cameras attached) and took pictures of themselves, in the classroom, which they then said were going straight to facebook
• i told a table full of stoners that if yes, if i were drunk, it wouldn't be strange for me to forget my coat inside the house and walk outside in freezing cold weather and die stuck to the frozen ground. 

When life gives you lemons, paint that shit gold. [i stole that from atmosphere.]

when someone asks "how are you," "what's up," or any form of a greeting that requires you to possess substantial energy in order to reply, you...

• recite a taradiddle: "oh, you know, lovin' life!"
• prevaricate: "fuck off"
• speak with candor: "shitty."
• and for those of you who can summon the strength: "fine, how are you?"

if you have trouble with my advanced vocabulary then you can kiss my pretentious ass. (that was a joke, i really don't try to be grandiloquent, i just am bitches)

and fyi, i do realize the pure cynical nature of this one and have sought professional help.

Blogs are for losers and cheese is for fatties.

i was told recently to start a blog and because i'm so generous i'm fulfilling that wish for the world.

i went to the bank today to start a "teen account." banks creep me out. not unlike teachers who talk to you before class starts or lunch ladies who smile too much. like seriously, what do they have to be happy about?

anyway, this man like charged me and screamed/asked if i'd been "helped" yet. his vibe told me that he thought i was a bank robber and that i was going to hold up the bank with that gun i have stashed in my new purse from Forever21. right. when i said yes he still lingered around me because i clearly give off that theif-y burglar-esq vibe. damn racists.

ok i know that blog had no point but neither does your life so shut up.