REPRODUCTION

this is the song i've had stuck in my head since the first grade! (including the ridiculous laugh at the end!)
not only is this song disturbing, as was my first grade introduction to sex, but you can imagine how horrible biology is for me right now, what with "reproduction" flying around constantly. *sigh*, one of my many personal fallacies of logic.


this is from the excruciatingly painful Grease 2.

  i feel like i already posted this..oh well

Day 1

today's disgusting weather forced a normally cheery and carefree attitude to be soaked like the sheets after a wet dream. i was completely and utterly, in full force, depressed. i reached for something to eat, but alas, nothing was there. (i was not high. i'm referring to the lack of snack food in my house).

with my eyes a-droopin' i took up eonline as an outlet and found it quite relaxing. i proceeded by making myself a tortilla with cinammon and sugar (an RKK recipe) and wasted another hour.

i decided to take up jogging today. i presume i'll begin executing this task starting...monday. yes, monday will be fine.

Bulimia is so '87

in the words of Head Heather, "Bulimia is so '87." this quote (firstly) proves my theory that everything happened in 1987 (see blog post when i have more time) and (secondly) bulimia is wrong. i would never consider it. but i do want to get healthy. 

in my line of work (sporadic "studying" and basement TV), i have to travel up many flights of stairs (2). i race up my basement stairs, and then accordingly, the second floor stairs (depending on the amount of time i have during commercial breaks). this occurrence happens at least 3 times a night.

the ridiculous part of this does not lie in the fact that i choose this living situation, but rather the amount of huffing and puffing that is required to finish the task. quite embarrassing, as i've been called out by various family members on this more than once.

so i'm on a mission: kick Jillian Michael's ass. she's annoying and my mom bought her exercise DVD. but fuck the DVD. i'm going to jog, inspired by one Miss Liz McSkinnyness. if jillian's obnoxious facial features have taught us anything, it is that the chances of attaining your exercise goal is much increased if you write about it. i don't think she had blogging in mind, but that illproportioned head is so full of crunches and rug-munching, i'll forgive her.

sorry if this hampers the mood, but this blog is currently devoted to my daily exercise journal. we'll see how long this lasts...polls open tomorrow.

funniest line of Glee yet:

I felt like the guy who set up Liza and David Gest.

stupidist scene of 90210 yet:

SAT.











ridiculous. 

"5 People You Want To Punch In The Face"

In the words of Naomi's sister on the latest 90210 episode, "Just call me karma babe. And karma...is a bitch." It sounded better when she said it.



On facebook, there is an application where you choose five people (celebrities) that you hypothetically, metaphorically, want to punch in the face.

This may come as a surprise, but I enjoyed that app and made great use of it.

Now, a karmic shock the strength of a lightening bolt, approached my frizzy head when i saw this:
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b177902_bret_michaels_critical_after_suffering.html
and this
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b178323_bret_michaels_suffers_setback.html?sid=twitterfeed_topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=twitterfeed&utm_campaign=twitterfeed_topstories

Bret Michaels Critical After Suffering Brain Hemorrhage

Sat., Apr. 24, 2010 7:35 AM PDT by JOSH GROSSBERG

AP Photo/Gus Ruelas

Let's hope Bret Michaels gives us a speedy recovery to believe in.
The Poison frontman is in critical condition at an undisclosed hospital after suffering a brain hemorrhage late Thursday.
A rep for Michaels confirms to E! News the 47-year-old singer was rushed to the hospital just before midnight after complaining of an excruciating headache. Doctors discovered a massive subarachnoid hemorrhage—bleeding at the base of his brain stem.

so i can only ask, is this some kind of joke from the Karma gods? Cuz, I distinctly remember this dude being number one and two on my Top 5 list. . . . dot dot dot....kind of actually sort of a lot hope you pull through Bret Michaels, or this one is on me. 

POST. SCRIPT.

hey, sonebutt, i just want to point out that i too haven't blogged recently, but guess what, i did, and it felt...like home. the one that has the heart. or the hearth? the heart.


"the stories i've been dying to tell you" --- yeah? what about the stories i've been dying to hear? hmm? selfish, really. YOU TOO ACACIA. "story of my life" hmmm? what life? you haven't blogged so how would i know that age old tale?



also, shay needs to sort out her priorities is quite relevant here.
 

what it means to be a B

to be a "b" or a "butcher" (as maher calls it), means to be crabby. unpleasant. spiteful. unapologetic (somewhat). that is my definition, and hey, i should know.

so today on the bus tessa and i were talking about what it means to be a 'b'. well, i was talking/openly criticizing at her because she thinks she is a 'b' but in fact she is just a nice quiet greek when people are around (and by people i mean acquaintances, class mates, the like).  sure, we can pretend that we're the Blairs of the Ball when we're alone, privately bitching (verb usage) on the bus. but, really, on a public level, are we bitches? i can answer for only one of us, and that would be.. tessa. she is not. just...nice..quiet..greek.

here's the telling difference i used to determine this finite (haha sonia) situation: she talks about haters behind their back. but...would she tell someone who is "hitting on" her to:

a.) "fuck off."
or
b.) "um..."



well, i think that made the point quite clear, if not crystal. but don't worry texmex, you can still refer to yourself as Blair if i get to be Megan Fox!  haha...oh good times.

the heathers

apparently my mother opened the door to my room this morning to ask me something, but i was still asleep. she says when she opened the door i muttered (in my sleep) "what's your damage, heather" and rolled over. for those of you who don't know this quote (everyone but tessa) it is from the classic '80s movie "Heathers"

don't worry this title is just a quote in the clip, not an action...

now instead of posting the trailer, which admittedly would be much more explanatory, i posted this lil' number from the movie..


 the point:

i was thinking of changing the title of my blog to this, but i'm not sure whether or not i'm too attached to "blogtastic"... tell me what you think below. i know, these are very pressing and important world issues we're talkin about, so due take time to answer thoughtfully.

glee

side note: has "bing" taken over the world? seriously it's everywhere...


the phenomenal fox television show, glee, has filled the hearts of many with songs of joy and teen angst. but being the true investigative reporter that i am, i've set out to expose it for what it really is.

the following will probably "offend" a few of you, so i want you to know that i do love glee. i love musicals and find them...exhilarating.

it's just that everyone is treating this show like it's a gift from god and under no circumstances should it recieve criticism. i'm talking everyone - friends, foes, eonline.

on that note, here are its faults (en mi opinion):

-finn is not attractive. he has strange moles and is in deep need of foundation.
-kurt, the show's gay character, said in tonight's episode, "i am the honorary girl." oh no. he did not. i think its a safe bet that this offended a few people in the audience (thru the tv [?]).
-will's flamboyant nature crosses the line of annoyance more than ten times during a single episode.
-fox advertises the show like it's helping "geeks" everywhere feel better about themselves, cuz they have a home on television now... if anything the show reinforces "geek" stereotypes.


i just wanted to get that off my chest cuz god knows i'm the only one who has the bitch inside me guts to say it.

however it is a beautiful show. it's hilarious. it has attractive characters (mohawk dude! and did anyone find kurt's performance of 4 minutes to be stunningly sexy?) the characters can fuckin' sing. madonna!


go gleeks!

i have no life

y'all know the saying, "you have no life." ?

well that phrase really applies to me. i have no life, and i wish for y'all to know that.

courtney: how was your weekend?
meghan: lame. i didn't do anything close to exciting.
courtney: don't worry, that's what it's like when i'm at my father's.
meghan: yeah, but i can control my lifestyle choices.

for any of you who have a sliver of hope that i'm not as lame as i seem when i invade your presence--- and for sonia, who thinks i am genius, note this:

saturday night

• anxiously await sonia's text concerning the sleepover she's having. with other friends. 
• type of a few paragraphs of the ap project.
• check phone.
• watch an episode of weeds.
• check phone.
• delete the few paragraphs of the ap project, and start anew. 
• check phone.
• watch the next episode of weeds. 
• check phone.
• edit and revise the few paragraphs of the ap project.
• watch the dvd of An Education alone in bedroom. 
• check phone.
• take some nyquil. 

sunday morning

• wake up super early (8:30 a.m.) because of the full, action packed day i put in saturday.
• clean my sister's bathroom.
• do laundry.
• await sonia's text on how the sleepover went.
• finish a.p. project.
• eat grilled cheese.
• go to girl scout meeting.

i'm deeply sorry to inform you that no, you're not high, you actually just read the above list. it's for realz. i am that lame. so no sonia, i'm not a genius. i do not work hard. i just have a lot of time on my hands. 

<--thas me yo!

good times

normally one that cringes and/or screams at the sight of a camera, i decided to go off the deep end (¿does that work here?) and commit a photo shoot.

i consider myself to be the newest nerd hybrid (consumed with school work, but not actually smart/lets anything productive come of stress), and this is me doing the AP project we were assigned 6 months ago:

i think you'll find the following picture sequence to not only be devastatingly sexy, but also a bit blogtastic (see above definition)



good times, good times...

mis perros (my puppies)

i consider myself to be a respectable person by nature, so i won't go and deny y'all the benefits that come with me blogging about my pets. my dogs. mon chéries.

first, let's start with their names: Ally and Lena. what the motha f-er? i'll be the first to say that their names are weird and not at all cute or funny. i mean, seriously. "ally"? could we at least have had the decency to spell the name right?

second, their selfishness: they won't give me (the bitch that feeds them their dinner) the time of day unless i've got food, in which case they grab it with their scary sharp teeth and retreat far away. they put their asses in the air, facing me, and then occasionally sneak a peek back at me, like i'm gonna go steal it or something. right, like i want their dried pig's ear (or whatever the f those biscuits are made up of).

thirdly, their slight mental retardation: the dogs are fucking purebred golden retrievers. as in retrievers that are golden. ever since they were pups they've never been able to grasp the concept of "fetch." they are fucking golden retrievers but they still refuse to ever bring back an object if you throw it at 'em.

if you are eager to play fetch, like i was a mere moment ago, you can get them all riled up and the throw the ball (or in this case, a stuffed animal--their fav) into the lucious green grass, and they'll initially sprint after it. but alas, halfway thru the chase, they'll seemly be overcome with boredness and maneuver side ways and start sniffing the ground. which leaves you standing there pathetically, relying on a slightly mentally retarded dog for amusement. you think i would learn. but no.

i don't learn, and besides considering myself to be respectable by nature, i also consider myself to be slightly slow on the uptake. so, momentarily forgetting her mental and physical flaws, i initiated a simple tug-o-war game with the youngest, Lena. she, mistaking my enthusiasm for the game as an eagerness to begin combat, dug her claws in and scraped my arm like a freakin' pirate.

 then, also pretty slow on the uptake, Lena ignored my shouting of, "GODDAMMIT" and "WILL YOU STOP YOU FUCKING DOG?!" and continued to bite and scratch me like i was enjoying it. at this point, tears were in my eyes and i was getting sick and tired of being beat upon like a Freedom Writer**and pointed my unsevered arm in the direction of Ally. Lena soon started attacking Ally and i was able to escape to my humble abode. i was officially unenthustiastic to play with these stupid dogs and/or enjoy the outside.

and that's how the world became round.




**please excuse this slightly insensitive reference

Lena being her usual snobby self--look at that nose so high up in the air. 

Ally doing what she does best: laying down and contributing little-to-nothing monetarily to the household. typical. 

assholes on the bus

today we had to deal with our fair share of assholes on the bus. on a normal day, we I like to focus my attention on the bus "driver" and let the others mind their own business (cuz, hey, i'm a good person). but yesterday, some racial slurs were made a few seats down from tessa and i. these were maddening, but i refuse to share what they said to y'all here (that's how bad they were). the point is, we got all hot and bothered.

now today it was raining and it was fucking hot and courtney was on the bus -- so there were plenty of distractions. yet when i saw his ugly face i couldn't help but to shout at him and his buddies that they were all assholes. this never goes well, and today's test proved that they didn't really give a shit about some big-haired spaz calling them assholes. well, wrong move, buddy.

we were recounting what they had said to courtney, when my hero, tessa, marched back to where the redneck motherfuckers racist people were sitting and started to show them who's boss. it was all going comically well, when that motherfucking bitch "emily" started sharing her point of view. first of all, the bitch wasn't even part of the brawl conversation so she just mind her own fucking business. but no, she's the kind of chick who will rant and rant and rant until your so confused you don't know which ass out of the bunch is the ugliest. she said shit like, "you can't change things in the world" and "it's much more common in the south," and best yet, "they should be able to say the n-word on T.V." of course the bitch wouldn't give us a chance for an appropriate rebuttal and i had to call tessa back so she wouldn't slap da whore.

but then MR. I WEAR THE SAME FUGLY BASEBALL CAP EVERY FUCKING DAY  looked at me (as i was standing up at this point, getting ready to pounce like a cat) and simply said, "asians are the most racist people." i quickly responded with "that's racist right there buddy. stereotypes." and he was like, "no, it's true." and i'm like, "really? where's your proof? is it up your asshole?" and he was like, "i have a friend and he said---" and i was like, "oh really, your friend represents all asian people now does he?" and he was like, "no butbutbut" and i was like, "save it, asshole. you have no fucking idea what you're talking about so you better just stop before i bitchslap every single one of those pimples of your fucking face." of course, this isn't exactly what i said, but i was so into the heat of the battle that at the current moment i don't know what i said.

 if i were to copy courtney i'd write:

dear assholes on the bus, [please note this gets a little explicit...]

   you're all fucking little bitches who are so busy sucking on yo momma's tits (indicating that they're still breastfeeding) that you've clearly forgotten to come up for air. and if you'd stop sucking for a wee little moment, you could come to the conclusion that maybe you should stop repeating whatever the fuck your parents have been ranting amongst themselves (indicating that all of their racial jargin is a clear sign that their superbly influenced by their parents).
  you all are so full of shit even your momma wouldn't fuck you. i can't even begin to wrap my head around all the bullshit you've been spewing because guess what---you're not worth it, and in the words of my idol, "you'll never amount to anything."

fuck you and your inbreeding cousins,
meghan

also:::: liz, please note that tessa is now my hero too, and not just because she got rejected at lunch. she is awesome -- while i'm screaming, "YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES" she jumps in there with the details. the things that count. the smartiness. it's really cool to see her in action (for lack of a better word).
also liz, if you are not on our side of this debate (meaning you still like alex and the scum he surrounds himself with) we're getting a divorce. i will not stand for you meheer-ing all over them. kapeesh? awesome.


phew...now i can sleep tonight knowing that i've made a difference in the world (ha...ha :(  )

i believe tessa wanted to see this one...

the title would have been, "for tessa," but i thought that'd send the wrong message...

Sarah Silverman - My Boyfriend is Christian - watch more funny videos

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Ben Stiller from Between Two Ferns

laughed. my. ass. off.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Michael Cera from Between Two Ferns

laugh. out. loud. except the racist jokes towards the end...ha.

Sarah Silverman on the "Night of Too Many Stars" from Sarah Silverman

you guys have seen this one right?

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

not funny but entertaining some

Mr. Celebrity with Ed Helms from Ed Helms

pretty funny..

Bieber Takes Over from Justin Bieber

acacia, christina, sonia:

what the hell? i'm laughing as i write this....what the hell kind of conversation were we having?! "i'll tell mine if you tell yours.." a little fucked up lol

WHAT DID I DO??

¿donde está el comunicación?

atticus and adah

i have an odd urge to suddenly bear children. and to name them after the characters i like in certain books.

my personal mottos

I need to pick one of the following to finish the statement "My personal motto is..."

What to choose, what to choose..

• Gym should be illegal
• Karma is a bitch
• Judge people because they're judging you 
• Appearance says a lot (judge a book by its cover)
• Don't go to awards ceremonies...no good can come out of it
• You can't avoid the awkward...so just keep worrying
• Yes, you did just make a fool out of yourself -- don't let anyone tell you otherwise
• This thing called "luck" is a joke
• When in doubt, bullshit it

those all seem NHS-appropriate right?


ooh ooh ooh! what about the ever-popular

• self-loathing is a fact, not "just a phase"
• happiness is chocolate, chocolate is fattiness, fattiness is depression: vicious cycle. 

erm....more to come, i'm sure


remind me to blog about this dude. oh yes, it's coming. 

announcements:

first of all, do i owe any of y'all money? i know for sure i owe sonia and acacia.... (btw, you two, comment below how much exactly). because it recently dawned on me that i have debts to settle and i wish to get on that... (sonia/acacia: dunn bros debts???) i'm bringing money tomorrow

second of all, SONIA: i sounded really bitchy when i said, "wow did i just come to give y'all rides" but i didn't mean it like that. i drank your fucking coffee, like i always do. i feel badly so---see first announcement.  and i know you felt embarrassed (?) when we pulled up in your driveway and your cars were there (cuz i felt that way when i kept relying on you for rides) but for fuck's sake calm down. my mom wants to give y'all rides...she lectured me once not so long ago about how it reflected (poorly) on my character that i relied on you guys for rides so much. so she's our go-to ride. no matter how much i looooove your beemer cool? cool. AND DO NOT TURN THIS AROUND so it looks like i'm saying it "reflects poorly on your character" because obviously thats bullshit. you need ride = i give ride. end of story.

muy bien. i'd go butch for sofía any day. (haha--- sonia/courtnia)

surprisingly first anxiety attack of the last 3 days

i'm having an anxiety attack surprisingly because my fucking sister is having a fucking sleepover at my house and this means i cant do any of the monster-shit i saved til monday to do. i have to wait til they leave which pisses me off. they will leave at 1 p.m. i suspect. i will be locked in my room til then. AHHHH FUCK!


anyway, the point of this whole thing...

funnnny video of the funnnnniest show::

and yes, i truly believe zero explanation is necessary. 

easter

because it's easter i was pretty fucking laid back tense-wise, so it's pretty confusing

church 10 a.m.

• internally i'm pissed to see even church is a breeding ground for teenage couples. my internal pissiness soon subsides once i figure that the teen-couple sitting in the  pew ahead of me are actually brother and sister. seriously. i'd see two attractive, opposite sex teens walking ahead to sit in a pew and i'd say to myself really? going to church together? and then i'd realize and feel bad. this happened three times.
• how "contemporary" my church is: the pastor showed us (the congregation) two clips of Pirates of the Caribbean and bitched about starbucks and some how related it to jesus. the "jesus jammers" sang. 
• i really wished courtney was there. i like sitting in pews with her. she sings very well and it makes the experience more enjoyable. 

home 11 a.m.

• my mother hid easter eggs. yep. i asked erin, and she said her mom didn't even hide easter eggs for her 10 year old brother. i am in the fucking 10th grade. however, she did get me a easter gift too- a shirt and a tank top. which was nice.

home 12 a.m.

• changed into pajamas, watched the rest of Arrested Development the first season on my computer...in bed...

woodbury lakes 5:30 p.m.

• tried to practice parallel parking in the empty woodbury lakes parking lot. failed miserably, gave up, and raced home. almost drove past a stop sign. of course, i then saw my neighbor (who saw me almost run a stop sign)

home 6 p.m.

• back in pajamas... pretended i was on a date, but that didn't fly apparently...

outdoors 7 p.m.

• bike ride with erin holla!

man... i lead a sad, sad life. 

dont read this really boring im bored

my sister woke me up today at 10 am, by being in the bathroom. yes, the walls of my house are that thin. i was awoken by a slamming drawer. i put my glasses on, rush outside my room, and yell,


"molly?!"

"what."

"are you, like..... going somewhere or something?? why are you up so early??"

"no."

(generally she just ignores me completely so ignorning one question is actually pretty good for her.)

then, after i stared at the bathroom door for a good 2.3 minutes, she came out and stared back at me. she said she was doing her hair. this was perplexing. she's clearly going somewhere. she then said, "what are you wearing?" in a rude voice cuz i was wearing supershortAEboxers and a ripped white wifebeater half  up my stomach and my boobs very much in view. i readjusted my shirt. i went downstairs, suddenly inspired to be up. why? cuz sonia probably texted me after some 48 hours of ignoring me. i looked at my phone. her text was sub-par and i concluded it wasn't worth the text back, considering she texted me at midnight. i was really pissed at her last night because of her "naps" (see latest blog post, "naps." by sonia). i mean seriously, what are you doing after school? no sports...no music... i say she should do her homework and then go to sleep earlier. that might help.

sigh. that was bitchy. she can do whatever she wants. it's her life. this is stupid considering she's 1/4 of my audience. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

obviously no one's going to comment on this one. no one comments lately. but i get it. i understand.



last night was surprisingly really really fun. acacia drove us, so that increases the fun factor by a good 100 points. christina came with, which increased the fun factor too (surprising too). we didn't end up seeing the last song, but alice in wonderland. that movie is so trippy it gave me a headache. we came out of the theater, and a bunch of oakland/valley crossing kids were there (rachel and her mom!!!) and it was suuper awkward, cuz christina insisted on talking to her sister for like 10 minutes. acacia jingled her car keys and we proceeded to dairy queen. then christina realized she lost her wallet. we went back to the theater. after 10 minutes of my stomach on the theater floor (yes! i did that! i'm an awesome friend...) she found it in the lost and found.

when we were walking out of the theater, again, i saw a weird mix of stillwater girls. being someone who enjoys a nice-spaz-in-the-moment, i yelled at them, "go back to stillwater!!" and we laughed and laughed all the way to dairy queen, again. we saw more stillwater people there. only this time, it was superbly hot seniors, and amanda L., of course... we at our ice cream in the car, naturally. christina opened up big time about awesome subjects like gaby and it was cool. then when they were dropping me off we saw the same group of hot seniors gathered outside, because of course, they are my neighbors. they probably thought we were stalking them. haha.

don't get your hopes up

well, many-a-thought sloshing around in me wee little brain. none of which are interesting in the slightest, so don't get your hopes up.

1. what i got from liz's latest blog post is that she's pissed at me. i wish to know if i dissected correctly, or if i didn't...

2. acacia is picking me up soon to go to see "The Last Song". i'm very frightened about this adventure. the movie will suck ass, i'm sure, but how far will it go? will i have to leave the theater to pace outside until the awkward parts are over (which i've yes, done before)??

3. i'm hungry.

4. ally, my eldest dog, isn't. she doesn't eat. and she vomits. and when i tried to get her to eat dinner today, her back legs quivered creepily. she gets up on furniture and my parents say, instead of scolding her and making her get down, "well...if she's comfortable like that..." which is very concerning. also, she doesn't go on walks anymore. like, she literally stops in the middle of the road. also concerning. i'm overall very concerned. she's going to the vet later this evening... :(