uh oh... boner alert

well you can go fuck yourself, icarly.

blog posts per month graph you're welcome

children, what can we analyze from this data?

99 Problems

picture this, if you will...

me. (hot). sitting at my kitchen table. in the middle chair. either end of the table is flanked with both great-grandmother and grandmother. all three of us sipping our coffee. we're observing what is happening in the greater part of the house. we sip...with futile annoyance.

then...

at the church. the hell-on-earth church. chanting. standing. sitting. standing again. listening to the christian rock band blare way too loud. ("contemporary" service). listening to douche bass player yell "oh yeah" and "let's rock" between lyrics. sitting again. counting bald heads in the crowd of pews. watching douche cousins next to me make mini fortune tellers out of offering slips.

then...

me. (hot). sitting at my kitchen table. in the middle chair. both ends of the table are flanked with both great-grandmother and grandmother. all three of us sipping our coffee and observing what is happening in the greater part of the house. we sip...with futile annoyance. 

not my idea of a good day. not my idea of a tolerable day. no. 

then, erin. stupid stupid erin. why won't you leave, erin? i'm giving you very clear outs. but no. erin won't leave. and i apologize for you having to go the party, erin. highlight? getting to brag about new touch screen tv in basement. highlight, erin.

basically, it was like getting confirmed all over again, except without the presents at the end. tolerating the family. going to to the church. eating with the family. trying to keep up with the immense sarcasm coming from all directions. cake. 

ugh. 

and how many times did i get asked if i had a halloween party to go to? 99. no people, i do not. i'm not going to a kegger tomorrow. or tonight. please stop asking me. 

accomplishments:

- new nickname from caring and kind family: Casper. 

- internal OCD flare-up about shoes in house. everyone wearing their shoes. the shoes they wore to the church. outside. god knows where else. 

- 10 lbs of flub gained from candy eaten anally while avoiding conversation.

- ginormous headache from solely eating candy. 

at least kaka looks fierce.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU! ASSHOLE WEATHER. 

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, I'M SAYING ASSHOLES THRIVE IN THIS WEATHER!!! BEWARE!

(ihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereiliveihatewhereilive)

NO, FUCK YOU. 

Nia,

you are a really good dancer. it kind of makes me hate you.


(i assume this is from the dance.)

i was joking.

i also hear you are a star mathematician. go carol.

love,
meghannahshoshannah
(egg)

PMS or Psychotic Manic Suck-a-thon

so on friday night i was fighting with my parents. now normally, i would just leave the room and go watch tv to cool off and if i was smart, i would've taken the car. but i'm not smart.

no.

so instead i drew something that i now would like to share with the world. yes.

i present to you....my  parents:

please take notice that i wrote the words backwards on the page, for the very intention of taking a picture from my laptop and attaching it to a blog post. on friday night though i lost focus and got scared and decided not to post it. why are you posting it now?, you might ask. well, there's an answer to that. 

i also drew this scary hijo de punta:

now why am i posting these things and thus making record of my lack of sanity? once again there's an answer to that. 

psychotic manic suck-a-thons can make people do strange things. sometimes it makes people piss each other off a lot. sometimes people can have it for "permanent period"s of time.

now on a more sane note:

• i'm sorry i haven't seen some of y'alls posts in a while....it's really weird, but i just want you to know that i will keep reading them and please do not stop making them. DO NOT STOP MAKING THEM. ya hear. ya. hear. 
• i didn't post this underneath the picture because i wanted you guys to get the whole picture and really soak in the creepiness....but now i would like to explain the second pic: i was watching a jersey shore marathon. that shit can really mess you up.

just goes to show you...

everyone important needs to read my blog.

glasses = geek INVOLUNTARILY VISUALLY IMPAIRED.

i normally don't like south park

because i tend to not think especially offensive things are funny but their reaction to the kids singing is so funny ("Are we the only ones here who are completely confused?")

watch their high school mustical parody http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/22/south-parks-best-movie-parodies_n_771957.html#s88256...i swear you won't have to sit thru a commercial first.

13.

you know what i've been thinking?  we all need lucky numbers. especially me, cuz i like me best.
i mean, taylor swift has a lucky number, and i'd say that she's pretty fucking lucky.
but how do you find your lucky number?
i know you don't just pick one, cuz that tends to get you into a ton of karmic shit as my life clearly demonstrates (like 10 years ago i picked out number 14... maybe its proximity to taylor's magic 13 made the karmic winds so f-ing pissed that they took it out on my life by sprinkling it with awkwardice. or maybe i pissed them off by making up words.)




isn't 13 supposed to be an unlucky number? just goes to show you....when a boy says he loves you at 15 and you will go on to date joe jonas....it means you will become super rich and famous.


wait.


i think miss taylor needs to stop whining about her damn boy troubles and read my blog. l-o-l.

Theo is now officially.....Ezra the Great.

jan: oh how's your fish, Felix?

....


molly: yes, how is Ezra?


meghan: ....his name is Theo. as in Theodore.


*jan leaves room from lack of interest, apparently.


molly: i was making fun of her you idiot. where does she get that shit from? who the hell is felix?


*meghan can't stop laughing as she writes this

well now that i've proficiently hated on our society...

let's all take a look to the right --->

300+ posts! 300+ posts?! we need to celebrate!!



or i need to announce my resignation from lameness, fast. (appropriate)

so stupid, but so...awesome.

The DunDun

The sun done
Yep, the sun done
Came up, but we still up in dungeon
The DunDun
Yep, in London
Competition, why yes I would love some
How the f**k they get mad cause they run done.
Mad cause I'm getting money in abundance
Man I can't even count all of these hundreds
Duffle bag every time I go to SunTrust
I leave the rest just to collect interest
I mean interest
Fuck my nemesis
Exclamation... just for emphasis
And I don't sympathize, cause you a simple bitch
I just pop up on these hoes on some pimple shit
And put the iron to your face you old wrinkled bitchh 




check it out i've taken the liberty to highlight the weird stuff for y'all

why we suck.

i suck.
i'm an incessant whiner. weiner. no, whiner.
   i'm not rich like those blank kids.
   i'm pissed because i don't have these boots.
   shit, i don't have those jeans.
   when i'm gonna get those shoes mom?!
   ugh.
   i don't have my own car, goddammit.

we all say shit like this. it's ridiculous shit. and i'm not writing this crap to irritate you. i know it's irritating, because i'm reading this and irritating myself.

but the truth be y'all that we are all really lucky. beyond insanely lucky. it's stupid really. so stupid. we get to actually say shit like

   whose car should we drive?
   let's just meet there because i don't want to have to drive and pick you up.
   let's go shopping after dunn bros and then we can stop by dq.
   let's buy this because we can.


and that's why we suck.
i say this because i think this, and i can't be the only one, but yet i know that i'm the only one. how?


and then i hear myself say that it would just like, totally suck if i had to get my undergraduate at a community college. my sister nods in agreement: how embarrassing.
and then my face gets red. really really red.
how can i say that? how can i possibly overlook the fact that i get the opportuntity to go to a college. i can look to the future and think yes, i will be going to school. any college; i can at least apply. i can speak freely about this and that. i can work and have a career and get paid the same amount as a man (oh, wait, we haven't fixed that yet?)  i will be buying more clothes. i will be throwing out more clothes. so old. i will be fucking eating the shit out of my kitchen pantry. yum.


yeah. we all have miserable lives. i'm miserable probably 50-60% of the time. and then 2% of the time i'm justifying why i'm miserable. and then another 2% of the time i'm declaring that i can't possibly be miserable because outside our sheltered hideway of middle-class suburbia is an entire world of utter shit. (and another 2% of the time i'm calculating my thinking processes into percentages. ha.)

so yeah, we suck. no offense though because i suck most of all.

for the past 10+ posts

all i've been doing is Apple+Shift+4-ing the hell out of the internet and its wild devices. i just wanted to take this time to say that The Bitch is back. you think she could possibly stand not bitching for this long?! oh hella no! (i wish i could use that word right.) see y'all soon.








sorry for the multiple change in perspectives. it's all apart of the bitch's charm.

a lesson in blerg-dom

straight from the

CORRUPT baby names

so i have way too much to say about this list.

1. i searched the top baby names because i was interested to see where meghan/megan ranked. narcissistic? obviously. informative? not at all. contrary to popular belief well known fact, megan did not rank very high. in fact, on one website i visited (not this government one) it ranked #100. this is beyond annoying because i think we all know about 300 megans (and their ridiculously unoriginal parents) who prove this to be FALSE. maybe its a minnesota thing. i doubt it.

2. jacob/bella are the top names. lets all take a moment of a silence to acknowledge the absurdity of what our society has become. ugh. fuck stephanie meyer.

3. do you guys personally know anyone named abigail or mia or ava?! i mean i get emma as number two...but weirdly, the only emma i can remember right now is the spawn of rachel and ross.


*andddd i just had an epiphany, y'all (unfortunately 30 min after posting this.) the reason why we all know so many megans but yet it's rank is somewhat low is because all the megans are old. and this list is for babies being born now.....aha! (i'm such a dumbass.)

hmmm...

so wait a minute, the ad will be the same in content except i can choose which race i prefer? sweet!

#i'mpretendingthisistwitter #whatthefuckidon'tgetwhatthisischevrolet

look! it's my favorite part of the male anatomy!

 (via victoria beckham's twitter [a pic posted of david])

plus a much better face than mister math, no? #awkward #iwishicouldtweet

oh hellz nos.

ok so there's no other option: she has to be talking about my earlier blog posts! uh totes!

no one cares

no one cares no one cares but meghan meghan thinks is really funny funny

omigosh. guys.

OMG GUYS I'M HOOKED! lol. be prepared for the many posts to come about this shitastic new show starring that brilliant palin. l-o-l... "holy cow....look at that mama bear"

germs

OH WHY MAMA WHY?!

Phones Riddled With Far More Bacteria Than Toilets (VIDEO)

The Huffington Post   |  Bianca Bosker First Posted: 10-15-10 10:34 AM   |   Updated: 10-15-10 10:34 AM

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Read More: Clean Phones, Germs Phones, Phone Bacteria, Phone Germs, Phones Germs, Texting, Video,Technology News

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Are you texting into a toilet seat?

MSNBC asked that question in a recent segment on the 5 "germiest" places in your life. The answer may shock you.

According to MSNBC, phones carry 500 times more bacteria than a toilet seat.

And a recent article in the Sacramento Beeoffered even more jaw-dropping stats on the germs, bacteria, and other gunk that can be found on our phones.

The Sacramento Bee reports,

British researchers provide some stomach-churning data: Mobile phones harbor 18 times more bacteria than a flush handle in a typical men's restroom.

According to [Stanford University doctoral student Timothy] Julian's study, published online in July by the Journal of Applied Microbiology, the risks of transmitting pathogens from glass surfaces to a person's skin are relatively high.

"If you put virus on a surface, like an iPhone, about 30 percent of it will get on your fingertips," Julian said. In turn, "a fair amount of it may go from your fingers to your eyes, mouth or nose," the most likely routes of infection.

there is little in this world that i despise as fiercely as shitty child actors.

chelsea turns sentimental........

this coming from the same author who brought you

my horizontal life

are you there vodka, it's me chelsea