when i first saw this i said THANK FUCKING GAWD

i was so damn worried

(via roxy's awesome tumblr)

14:24-14:26 OMG LOL

what it do

fckyhlzlmn

fuckyeahlizlemon.tumblr.com for some fly laughter and stuffs.

learn it live it love it

the only verbal repetition of the mean girls script that i regularly take part in




oh and ALSO


i don't know how i'm feeling about this because i'm so overcome with emotion right now

"OH, SHIT!" best version of the movie i eva heard

apparently it fucking is, twitter person, yes it is.

this twitter person also wrote this...so make some noise...yeah

GETMEOUTOFHERE

given that it is thanksgiving break, i've had to endure an abnormal amount of time with my parents. it has been uneventful and yet incredibly irritating.

here is an essentially uneventful but incredibly irritating moment in this abyss of forced family time:

after watching me eat four slices of pizza, my mom hands me a plate with a sizable piece of pumpkin pie, whipped cream, and vanilla ice cream.

why was i ripping my hair out when she presented me with an unobtrusive act of kindness? I'LL FUCKING TELL YOU WHY.

A LIST:
1. the day before i told that ho that i wasn't "really into pumpkin pie like i used to be."
2. BITCH KNOWS I BE HATIN VANILLA MUH WHOLE LIFE (WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?!)
3. AND THE ACTUALLY ANNOYING PART: 89.3% of the time my mother chooses to blather in the general direction of my face, it is about dieting. she tells me what sugar-free snacks reside in the cabinet, about which desserts in the freezer are low calorie, and about the low fat recipe she found online that day. everything she says to me is around the lines of "oh lord knows i shouldn't have any of that." and that ho gives me pie. pie that i told her i don't like. AND IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO EAT PIE WHEN IT IS PRESENTED TO ME. DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THIS RIDICULOUS PROBLEM. OH, MY, GOODNESS,,,,ME.

this really scares me, but not because of the reason you're thinking:

it's simply irresponsible to NOT reblog a juno img, fuckers

and then there are the following images that i know most of you have seen already, but i want you to see again, so you know i think they are hilarious. wooh.

"swearing is fun" my english teacher

a really awesome/dramatic song to listen to while driving across the barren hicksville of central minnesota

(sorry, this was the only video that had embedding available.)

in celebration

this joke is awesome on two different levels:

"chronic bitch face" and other selections

super awesome review from entertainment weekly--i highlighted the best parts. 

MOVIE REVIEW

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn--Part 1 (2011)

Reviewed by Lisa Schwarzbaum | Nov 22, 2011

• Comments 340
• Add comment

EW's GRADE

C-

DETAILSRelease Date: Nov 18, 2011; Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Sci-fi and Fantasy; With: Taylor Lautner,Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart; Distributor: Summit Entertainment

Bella Swan has had the benefit of my doubt for the previous three installments of The Twilight Saga. But in Breaking Dawn — Part 1, this perpetually sad/sullen/wincing young woman — played as if every scene gives her cramps by the otherwise interesting Kristen Stewart — is a big drip. She's maddeningly inarticulate. She's distressingly passive. She's a bad role model for girls. So, I say enough. Enough with Bella's depressed, ragdoll posture and her eternal gloom. And a pox on Breaking Dawn, the movie, for its contented complicity with Stephenie Meyer's ultimately awful message to millions of readers. What we learn in this all-pain/no-pleasure episode is that marriage feels like a life sentence, weddings are miserable events, honeymoon sex is dangerous and leaves a bride covered in bruises, and pregnancy is a torment that leads to death in exchange for birth. Also, during pregnancy, families fight like werewolves and vampires. Way to go, YA message. At least Bella's wedding gown is pretty. Ooh! Cue the fashion blogs.

Yes, I know, Twilight fans love The Twilight Saga. But they (you?) deserve something better to love.

Nothing goes right for our resigned heroine. She hates the foot-squishing, wobble-inducing high-heeled pumps urged on her by her stylish vampire sister-in-law-to-be Alice (Ashley Greene) — Alice is the designated wedding planner — but Bella doesn't even know how to put her foot down to demand an alternative. She has incapacitating, panic-attack-sized wedding jitters. (Could she could be panicking because she's ridiculously young to be getting married to a vampire instead of, oh, furthering her education or pursuing a career or finding out what she really wants out of life? Nah, that's just the liberal-elite feminist in me talking.) Edward (Robert Pattinson), Bella's fancy-haired, blood-sucking groom, is solicitous. But since Bella doesn't know how to speak to her beloved — you know, with words — the two just gaze into each other's eyes in the shared romantic agony of a young couple in over their heads. Jacob the werewolf (Taylor Lautner, shirtless within 15 seconds of his first appearance) shows up at the wedding, never missing an opportunity to be really, really angry. Bella shows her pleasure at Jacob's appearance by looking fetchingly stricken — she still loves him, naturally, just not in that way. Jacob responds by being angry.

Bella has the haggard look of a prisoner on her honeymoon with Edward in Brazilian paradise. Director Bill Condon and his production team use every dollar of their big budget to make a very handsome picture, but what's the fun of luxe scenery (or a fairytale wedding) under such circumstances? Countless blog posts can and will be written about the couple's honeymoon sex life — ''I'm hurting you!'' Edward groans with guilt. ''No. It's. Good,'' says Bella, wincing. Perhaps I'll add my own blog post to the ephemeral literature in a few days. Just know this: The overall message of Breaking Dawn is that humans must suffer on this earth. Especially women. Jeez, pregnancy and childbirth, staged with exorbitant production-design attention to gyno-catastrophe, look like scenes of full-on, fright-night horror.

As The Twilight Saga grinds to its conclusion with the upcoming Breaking Dawn — Part 2, neither the trendiness of vampires and werewolves, nor the playful vox pop fun of declaring allegiance to Team Edward and Team Jacob are enough to justify the prim sermon of fleshly punishment that is Twilight's eternal, hooey-filled message of damnation. C-

SUPER late to the party...like years late

if you play "sleephead" by passion pit for me, i will do anything you say. seriously. i just had this huge brainblast, and yes, i can be persuaded to do anything as long as this song is playing. i need help.

quite possibly the most powerful feeling in the world

....ok, and sorry, this made me laugh a little too hard..

guess whats happening here

that is all.

JESUS CHRIST...i know

swear to jesus this was on on popular imgfave imgs, i didn't like, search-it-out..

can i get real with you guys?

ok.

whenever i'm at home for a long period of time, i become obsessive. as i'm sure i've mentioned, i absolutely hate this aspect of my personality. but i can't help it. i'm easily obsessed with things. and 9 out of 10 times, i completely regret the obsession after some distance and am so utterly embarrassed.

usually i love being home alone for a long time. for instance, i went to bed at 4 AM last night and stayed in bed til 2 PM. i relish that shit. i'm so in love with myself just cuz i get to say that. (insert masturbation joke here...something bout being in love with myself/being in bed for a long time..?) 2 PM guys! WHAT A FUCKING ACCOMPLISHMENT (AND IM NOT BEING SARCASTIC!)

but i don't just lay in my bed, listening to my iPod/sleeping during these times. i also get a little crazy (INSERT MASTUR---NVM). for instance, roxy, when we went to Savers yesterday, that was pretty much the only break i gave myself from not watchin Skins. oh, what? the show i was obsessed with three months ago? yes, that show, beause i'm a pathetic, insane person. but let me tell you more about it, blog, because why half ass the crazy train journey.......

right now, i'm rewatching season 4, with the second generation cast. when i first watched it, i was really into this one relationship between a really hot male and a crazy plus pretty hot female.

 (here they is bein kinda cute an' shit)

they were called freffy, and they had a good run. effy was insane and freddie dies in the end, so it was pretty fucking depressing too. but freddie was soooo hot, guys. and yet... i don't like freffy anymore. they are annoying. i don't know what changed. clarity, though, is what i possess: this time around (please god let it be the last "time around") i'm really into the lesbian couple. whaaa?the lesbians??whaa??? (sarcasm.)

when i first watched it, they were super boring to me. one girl, emily, is this walked-all-over sad person whose twin is evil in the real superficial way. i originally believed that emily was pathetically in love with this feminist chick, whose hair is pretty gross in the third season. so there you have it, that's why i didn't care about them and why i skipped thru their scenes. not because there wasn't a hot guy to ogle during their scenes, but cuz they were boring and one chick had bad hair. OMG I LOVE MYSELF (sarcasm.)

anyway, now i'm obessessed. during their last scene, i cried LIKE A CRACK BABY. it was so cute and amazing. the blonde one  pours her heart out to the red head (they had been fighting for a long time with blondie in the wrong) and they finally make up. idk guys, idk.

 (k, obvs, this is pretty dramatic, but i still think it's less flashy and weird)


call me a sap. call me a crazy feminist who "needs to go to wellesley" (?!) or whatever, but their lesbian relationship is so...genuine. you know how television normally portray lesbians...like constant sexy-time and porno-y...? like marissa during her gay phase in season 3 of the o.c. or like santana and the dumb one on glee. i don't know, i just find it really refreshing. which marks a turning point for me. normally, i fucking love the drama and sexy time (once again looking at the o.c. here). but man, i'm creepy and gonna stop real quick. taking comments off nowwww.

what is love

so i was sitting on my bedroom floor writing the post you'll see below, when the harry potter theme music started trickling in, getting louder and more tremendous by the second. my sister and my father (whose post-surgery wish [don't worry, minor] was to view the bluray immediately after going under the knife) were watching it together in the family room. i could tell it was the final "epilogue" scene and i just started sobbing like no otha mutha. my dog, dug, quickly came to my rescue: he circled around my limp body bawling into the carpet, wolverine'd my back a few times, farted in my face, and ran away. and i didn't even care.
am i in love?

forever a dork

or, as it pertains to me, how to ruin talking to anyone with a penis

now that's beauty if i e'er saw it...

...WAIT STOP:

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/blogs/2011/11/eddie-murphy-talks-tower-heist-and-his-saturday-night-live-days/
really cute dynamic between jimmy and eddie.
this link may only be suitable for really bored people or comedy nerds.
and by that i mean people obsessed with comedians even on the boring inside,  a term coined by judd apatow (see his "WTF" w marc maron podcast) and confirmed to me by mindy kaling (i have her new book if any one wants tuh read...right.)

Grade nine.

Wow. What a response from my last post (thanks guys! Acacia, Erin. Thank you. Kak: didn't know you read my blog! I'm not sure where I got the idea that you didn't...maybe all the times you shouted at me that you didn't..) Let's just say I've suggested, voted, and ratified a fucking amendment to the Constitution of Meghan's blog and now I shant post anything alienating. AND JUST TO MAKE SURE : IT WAS PROSE. YEAH,I KNOW BETTER.


Happy sunshine woo! Wow, ninth grade was such a fabulous year! To satisfy any curiosities about the drug related rhetorical fragment in my eighth grade post: I learned what it feels like to be high for the first time. When procured accidently: scary as hell! But also, really awesome. I "robi-tripped" by mixing meds like a dummy and it was wonderful. I must say, everyone should experience that. Wait, I take that back. DRUGS ARE BAD. Get high on life guys. If you can't, you're pathetic. THE SCUM OF THE EARTH.

Oh no. Am I alienating people again? Mustn't do that. Bad Meghan.

Phew.

Ninth grade was also year of Washburn. I only have....excellent things to say about that man. Logical grader. Well organized. Handsome, too.

The grad dance was that year. I'm gonna get mighty honest with you guys: that was my moment, that dance. My time to shine. I felt so confident in my dress, I got lovely compliments about my choice of shoes (still do!), my outfit (sure, it was mostly surprise that I wasn't wearing butch khakis and a vest, Ellenstyle, but I took the comments gratefully)...and I danced the night away with all my friends by my side. Took thousands of pictures. Oh, I don't know if I can bear revisiting such joy without a break!!!


...

Nothing more worth mentioning about that year.

roxy-i was unable to find that clip we were discussing. but i did find this, and  the beginning is pretty funny.








CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP

My memoirs - 8th grade

I'm going to try to sound less whiny and self-pitying in this one.

So 8th grade was better than 7th grade, but in no way great.

I learned some things in 8th grade:

1. Eat before silent reading time.
2. Flirting with someone too hard can come off desperate and sad. (Whaaa?)
3. Math class will never get easier.
4. Teachers like you if you are cutesy with them.
5. Being obnoxious can make you friends. (Friends who think you're obnoxious.)
6. People love a trend. Not committing to the trend denies you nothing but the spirit of unity.

So I'd call 8th grade an experiemental year.
I experimented with walking aimlessly in the halls.
I experimented with going up to randoms and talking to them (and in 8th grade, not gaining any friends from this tactic.)
I experimented with using a tampon in the school pool (with a very high success rating!)
I experimented with speech-debate, and found out that even taking a class for half the year on the subject won't make me a better public speaker.
I experimented with buying clothes not solely from Target and Old Navy.
I experimented with taking classes to be with friends (a success rating of zero!)
I experimented talking to Roxy (with another high success rating! can you believe i could ever have been so lucky.)

For some damn reason the most prominent thing about eigth grade for me, was not going up in front of ninth graders to say some stupid speech, but those fucking Target slippers that everyone fucking had. I use "fucking" so excessively, not because they piss me off, but because they were EVERYWHERE. Even boys had them! And why! Why! It's not like they're a particularly beautiful fashion statement. And yet everyone had to have a pair. I remember sitting at Roxy's locker and watching every single person walk by with them. It just sticks out in my mind for some reason.


And that concludes eighth grade. What an eventful, momentous year. Next year? Drugs! Stay tuned

i have no self-control

Today my puppy of 10th months is getting his ball chopped off AKA neutered. This is a great day. Not only am I relieved of accidently glimpsing them but the world is all around a much better place. When I announced his ball-removal this morning, I was greeted with surprise (aimed I'm guessing at my enthusiasm.) Hannah remarked, why are you happy about this? Balls chopped off?? Or something of the sort. Well, because he can no longer make puppies.

When I got home from school I saw the animal hospital bill on the counter. There were dozens of things on the bill. Under "animal castration" it said $0 but with everything else (anethesia, etc.) the total came to $434.00. I was amazed. Not because my family can't afford it--we're lucky. But so many people cannot afford that out there. The cost is so expensive that they leave their animals unneutered. And many times, they just leave their animals. Neglect of this sort leads to so much breeding that humane societies grow soooo full and... you know what happens from there. All because of this neglect. I feel just as much passion about this as Bob Barker does, but lack the proper platform.

I wouldn't call myself an animal lover. I am disturbed by many animals, lemme tell you. But I would call myself a voice for them. And I wouldn't really call this a learned skill. It started very young and with horses: when I was like 8 years old I saw that movie Spirit--the animated movie about cowboys domesticating horses (BTW why aim a concept like that at young children?!)

I sobbed my way through the movie and made my extended family leave the theatre half-way (my cousin was a horse lover at the time and insisted on seeing it while we were all at the cabin.) I don't know what happened to those horses in the end, but I didn't appreciate the direction they were going in. And it's not like I like horses. They're fuckin' scary. Plus, they shit constantly, and have the ability to trample you. I've only ridden one once. My family did that whole road-trip to Yellowstone bullshit and we went to a farm to ride horses. I got on, allowed the horse to carry me to the foot of some weird hilly thing and demanded to be taken off. I felt so sympathetic towards the horse-- how could it possibly handle all my (seven-year old) weight going up a hill?! Horse experts would say horses are spoiled by their owners and enjoy having humans ride on them--it's their nature. THIS GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING SPIRIT TAUGHT ME.

So, maybe in that situation I didn't have the most logical reasoning and sometimes I don't have a perfect answer for why I feel the way that I do about animals. But fuck you world, find a way for everyone to neuter their animals. Or make restrictions on who can buy them. YEAH, I SAID IT.