7 min

a warning, if you will

below this post is what i'm calling a memoir. it features ramblings about the history of myself. it is ridiculous in nature (a pathetic blogger typing to no one about her patheticness is really gross, i know) and just weird. so just know, i'm assuming you wont read it. instead, peruse this "fuck yeah ryan gosling" tumblr i found. it is amazing.

http://fuckyeahryangosling.tumblr.com/

also, he has a giving tree tattoo. A GIVING TREE TATTOO. WHAAA?!



ALSO, you can view this video. it gets AMAZING at minute 2:40 (re:dance)

My Memoirs: THE YEAR OF 7TH GRADE

The quote of the day comes from myself, obviously. It goes like this: "My whole life is one big embarrassing moment." If I was a stand up comedian, that'd be my shtick: insulting myself in an oddly self-involved way. The audience would be like, ok, she hates herself...but she also is pretty in love with herself...? And I think that's fairly obvious considering my fav topic of convo is myself and there's only so many ways one can analyze their behavior on a regular basis.

That was a long introduction for the pretty one-dimensional project I'm about to embark on. I announced to Roxy a couple of weeks ago that I've been yearning to start my memoirs ever since our English teacher announced that her memoirs are already in the works, and feature a plethora of stories about stabbings. I can obviously top those stab-stories with my anecdotes about fairly mundane social-anxieties. And so I will begin.

I had a decent childhood. I was exceedingly privileged. I'm sure most psychoanalysts would say that the majority of my "scarring" happened during that time, but I say, fuck the professionals! It happened at the Land of the Oaks.

In sixth grade, what got me and my clique ahead was being different. For some reason that worked on the unique social scale of a hippie school.

In seventh grade, being different got me staring at the inside of my locker alone until the bell rang. I wasn't different in the way many other affected preteens are, but I was so lazy that when I tried to conform it resulted in blatantly obvious half-assery. My hair blew up (puberty started!) and some peers (with innocent intentions) encouraged me to straighten it with a flat iron. I bought a cheap one at Target and attempted for about 5 minutes a day. Because, obv, I wasn't going to put much work into it. My mom never helped me or showed me what to do or for how long to do it. Occasionally, Sarah would plead with me to let her straighten it for me, but this was my only guidance. Then I had the Old Navy clothes. You can get away with O.N. now, but not then. Seventh thru probably some of ninth grade were the years of Hollister and Abercrombie. I had just barely slipped out of a complete tomboy phase in seventh grade, so there was no way in fucking hell I'd wear that shit. One particular moment of seventh grade that I actually remember quite well was when Nia came up to me in the hallway and (in probably different words) said, "Oh my god...is that...?" and pointed to the little icon of some sort of bird on my shirt. She quickly realized that it was not the Hollister bird icon and walked away. That was the first time I realized brands were important. This had to be pretty late in the year, and I'm starting to understand now how very, very slow I am. (How did I not get that earlier?!)

Seventh grade was also the year of the three bloody noses in Advisory, being bullied by a popular boy in U.S. History and by my locker, the awkward boobs, that ridiculous Heinz shirt I insisted on wearing, and of course, letting my inner-freak slip out in gym. Bliss reminded me of this a few weeks ago: she was in my 7th grade gym class and apparently, I started to narrate every sporting activity we did like a sportscaster and it got really annoying to everyone in my group. Fucking A, really Meghan?

OH! And I also was caught cheating in science class. I hated science class because I hated hunting and I had a hick for a teacher who taught an entire unit on the subject. I also hated that class because I got called out-tuh! and had to admit to my mother, thru sobs, that I had cheated (she got a phone call that I had cheated on a worksheet.) Great times. I remember running late to my next class after being yelled at, and I remember crying, very hard, as I hustled in (to Health, of course I remember which class) AND I RECALL Anna K asking me what was wrong. I told her to fuck off (in so many words.)

And that concludes seventh grade. Stay tuned for eighth. Actually, don't. OMG IM SO SORRY.

true colors... don't read if you easily offended

and then stealing and raping and murdering them until the population is so low they have no choice but to surrender to us, heart and soul, and travel to the reservations of land we have so generously given them!!! muahaha!!! and then and then and then! for the rest of history we'll pretend to honor these people thru a racist disney movie and the occasional museum exhibit and forver calling them the indians..the indians from india..and we shall call them the wrong name for so long we'll garner complete control over not only their land but their identity so now even they must call themselves the indians.........YES!

*forever bitter*

you crazy for this one jay

hey guys, what's up?

SO...this happened

a version of something roxanne says to me on a regular basis. which reminds me...quote of the day!: "yeah, he's intimidated by you because you're a bitch." THANKS, HOW MANY TIMES MUST A HO HEAR THIS IN ONE LIFETIME?

yes. thank you people of imgfave.

 either setting will elicit a sexual response from myself

have to cover my mouth in english class e'ry day cuz of this

(note: this has never actually happened to me; "THEY'RE ALL LOOKING AT US"; they aren't)

 i never know when to hit it & quit it in public

the basis of our friendship

 but then i took a picture of it on my cell and put it on fb, duh! important shit!

saw people i knew yesterday; fuck it

best imgfave in a while...

shit girls say

yes

BOW DOWN

News of the World

WANT SOME UPDATES ON MY LIFE? READ MY SELF-PUBLISHED SELF-OBSESSED NEWSLETTER NOW!

Okay. I have some updates I thought I'd share with Blogger.

1. My dog Dug and I are now BFFs. I don't know when this happened, or how long it will last (I assume until he's full sized), but I'm taking advantage of this moment in time to simply enjoy our fast friendship. I take him on long car rides for playdates and in turn, he goes apeshit everytime I walk into a room. It is a beautiful relationship.

2. Roxy and I are cycle sisters. She told me to stop telling people that, and I took that as my cue to post it on the internet. I told her that the menstrual cycle has gone full mainstream since the release of "No Strings Attached" and we need to embrace this incredible societal moment.

3. I'm ridiculously disappointed in my transcipt. I had to get mine personally printed as I don't have Mrs. Stapler and my teacher is shit, and when the secretary handed it to me she said, "Wow this looks like a nice one," I looked at it and said, "Are you fucking blind?"* But I'm dealing with it.


*I did not say that
*I cannot even spell transcript right, that should say something about how it looks...