too personal

i hesitate to call today a "bad" day. theoretically, it should've been great.

chemistry we had a quiz, i did poorly, but i've been completely desensitized to doing poorly in science: i've been putting in shitty effort and yielding shitty results since forever (all my parent-teacher conferences at vc centered around trying harder at "theme" and just like, doing better, at math.)

gov was a lecture day, which i always thoroughly enjoy I DON'T CARE HOW THAT SOUNDS. my teacher is a good talker and the subject manner gives me such a jolt: not because it's all that interesting, but because being in that class doesn't give me reason to fantasize about stabbing my eyes out with my pencil (a rarity.)

spanish....no silent reading?

math... math was awful, but again: desensitized. i'm not sure i even know what a good day in math feels like. at this point, in 5.5 i think it is, i stare at the paper and hear a buzzing. i can't even... no. like i so wish to understand any part of it but i seriously think i have a learning disability specific to math. which sounds like an awful thing to just throw around, but i've never experienced this kind of frustration before. so i talked to my "math buddy" the whole time and it was fine, despite her habit of summarizing the plot of television shows i've never seen, episode-by-episode.

english was A BITCH. but a relatively fine bitch because we had a subsitute and it was a workday. i say "a bitch" because everyone was treating me like one and i don't understand why. we were working on these complex skit presentation things and i'm in a group with a katie, an ingrid, an allie, an ashley and a jenna... it's hard... anyway, whenever i would say anything, they either ignored me or gave me the bitchiest looks. it was perplexing because i've never personally attacked any of them, and i DON'T FUCKING GET WHAT I DID. then, i volunteered to play a character and katie was all like, "are you sure you can handle that? are you capable of being that funny? being him is a lot of pressure, don't you think? [completely serious]" and i was like what the fuck, man, and gave her a really frightened look. and then allie was all like, "oh yeah, she's hilarious." and i was all like what the fuck and just continued with the scared face. this may seem like nothing but it made for a HIGHLY EVENTFUL INNER MONOLOGUE WHEN IT HAPPENED, LET ME TELL YOU.

i had an inadvertently hilarious lunch. sociology was not at all traumatizing, as usual (thank god.)

then i had to drive home. for some reason, lately, driving home is a seriously daunting task.

and i say all of this knowing full well that you all will continue to do yo' thang and pretend/forget i ever wrote this, and that is what i expect and what i honestly hope for.

because molly has basketball and tessa has a life, i drive home alone most days. i don't like this, at all. i feel retardedly lonely and unjustifiably anxious.

it's not the driving, but it is the whole experience that depresses me. the weather is sad, my car is sad, i have no one to talk to and only shitty music to listen to. i come home and i'm alone with my sadness. and after 2:15, i pass all my peers and friends and acquaintances and for some reason that makes it exponentially worse. i'm self-conscious of their judgment and i'm jealous that they get to enjoy the privilege of transportational friendship (?). it's the fucking weather, it's the fucking loneliness*, it's seeing the exhaust coming out of my car in my rearview mirror, it's the frustrated crying after that and it's the feeling that i can do nothing to change anything.


at first glance i'm a methodical person--i like to plan events, i like to stick to those plans, and i'm usually punctual. but i'm actually very impulsive. if i have depressive feelings, i will do anything that might make me feel better. and when i encounter these feelings daily, i don't just go home and watch tv and eat some chips or take a nap. shit happens... i'm not saying shit happened...i don't even know that that might entail... but like, here's an example:

yesterday, it was the same as today, except i was less angry at the fucking world and more detached and dejected. i had my wallet, so i went to chipotle. i ate an entire burrito. here's a surprise! going to chipotle alone and eating that much does not numb the pain (whaaa?). when i got home, i took an alka-seltzer fueled (need-to-know-details here) nap and then went to caribou to do homework. only no one could do homework with me, which deep down i completely expected. so i sat there at that four-seater alone, downed a large coffee and got down to business...on tumblr. and then i came home and felt the same exact way i had been feeling since 2:15. i did something similar today, except less food and more assorted pseudo-medications mixed with angry texting (sorry).

i didn't write that, once again, to get a reaction or to let the world know my problems. don't comment unless you want to tell me i'm being an asshole. i just like to blog, YA KNOW THAT, HUH.

*if you were wondering, i don't just throw this word around for the fucking hell of it. seriously. a lot of the time, i thoroughly enjoy being alone; feel independent and empowered. but i hate being lonely.

ohmygod it's haunting me

OH, MINDY

the "douchebag jar" is one of the most genius comedy bits i have ever seen on a sit-com---the new girl is hilarious, i urge any bored people to hulu it, etc


more awesomeness from kaling twitter:

i'm the davinci of creating long boring stories out of what should be a one-sentence explanation.

don't read if you become irritated when i choose to drone on about something i could've easily prevented.

sorry about the typos, i don't care (enough) to correct any mistakes i make

let me paint you a picture.


i get a call at 9:15 PM Saturday night to pick my sister and her friends up at a church where they saw a concert, or something, and bring them back to liz's house (sister's BFF). i wasn't doing anything so it wasn't really a big deal.

as i drive past noodles on my way to the church, i hear my phone ringing, disregard all logic(safety-wise) and answer it. molly says they're at noodles now, so i should pick them up there. i sigh, turn around and head into the noodles parking lot. as i'm parking, molly comes out to the car and makes a motion to roll the window down.

she hands me twenty-one dollars (?) and says i should go to dairy queen. why? because they all decided they are going to eat at noodles "real fast" and molly thinks it best i occupy myself at dq in the meantime. i give molly the finger, pull out of noodles in an incredibly unsafe manner, and order a blizzard. instead of sitting in my car in the dq parking lot eating the blizzard alone like a goddamn loser, i head over to do the same thing in the noodles parking lot. because at least there i have purpose.

fifteen minutes into molly's "sweet sixteen mix" (a cd i found in the car laden with the best of beyoncé, bo, breezy, and britney), i see all five of them exit noodles, giggling hysterically like some sort of fucking "high school is the best time of our lives" montage.

the five of them enter the car and sit in the four seats available, and completely ignore their chauffeur (who was at the time, gagging on her own hair which somehow got into her mouth after shoving it with blizzard). for a majority of the car ride, they choose to discuss which people texted them during the concert and how funny/how tragic/how fascinating this was. THE GIGGLING FAILS TO CEASE THE ENTIRE RIDE, DESPITE THE EXTENSIVE CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW WRONG DRUGS ARE AND THE MENACES OF THEIR ALMA MATERS (SMOKELAND AND STILLWHITER JR HIGH, RESPECTFULLY.)

i remain calm and mostly silent throughout the ride, only occasionally digging my index finger into my temple and fantasizing about crashing us all. their giggling overpowered the music, so i decided to focus my energies on what i would say to them as i dropped them off at liz's. i went through all the possible ways to convey fuck you and landed on snorting as they said "thank you for the ride" (if they said that.)

when we finally got to liz's after 24 minutes of giggles, they all say thank you for the ride and liz, the last one in the car says, "thanks so much for the ride, meg" and i immediately return with "you're welcome!" in the sweetest fucking tone i've ever heard myself utter.

and then i came home and blogged about it.


please don't feel the need to comment that i'm a pussy ballsac and shouldn't take that shit. i get it. i shouldn't take it but i do and i don't know why.

too obvious, but worth posting. actually, it's not, but i'm in a reposting mood, dammit. 





this internet is a judgment free zone right?




is this from The Catcher in the Rye  ????? am i inaccurately spotting a literary reference?? maybe






these motherfucking "before i die" and "perfect check list" tumblr posts need to fuck off. most of them are vague wishings of the general population with a small mix of hispter and a giant dose of corny cliche. I'M DONE.



hahahahahhahahahahahaha






poor spanish teacher gets this in the last 15 minutes

MAMMA MIA

thanks, kaka-kaka-this-time-for-africa (new nickname, for the win)

pan-fuckin-demic http://nerdsgotswagga.blogspot.com/2011/12/unhealthy-obsession.html

same thing...watch til the end, worth it!

Christmas Day (New Years Eve Parody) - watch more funny videos      

State of Play vs. Ides of March

I would like to compare the movies State of Play and Ides of March. They are both political movies, one from the side of media that covers the scandal, and another from the side of the politicians. They both have really credible actors. 

Ides of March: beautiful and ridiciculously good Ryan, unforgetable George Clooney, crazy believable Philip Seymour Hoffman, never-a-weak-link Marisa Tomei, awesome-voiced Paul Giamatti and weirdly sincere Evan Rachel Wood

State of Play: long-haired Russell Crowe, short-haired Rachel McAdams, the unfortunate-choice-every-time-except-in-Good-Will-Hunting Ben Affleck, accountable Robin Wright, a beautiful surprise from my never-ending crush Jason Bateman and Helen Mirren who you may know from: 

 or ....yeah. 

For some reason, the two movies couldn't be more different and I WANNA KNOW WHY. Both have an awesome cast, a great scandal story line, but Ides of March was so...delicious, even for a "silent movie" (my dumb name for a movie with little to no score. Shameful, but appropriate sometimes.) I think it's the pace--both develop really quickly. But State of Play seems fast-paced simply to be that way and to show that journalists have to work really fast to meet a deadline. And Ides of March was fast but you didn't notice or have time to blog about it because you were so engrossed. Ides of March was fast in a really sophisticated, artistic way that State of Play doesn't play into. But that's not to say that I don't like State of Play--Im watching it again, recorded it after catching it half-way through last night on la tele. BUTT

...and that's what I would tell Roxy if we were to have this conversation. Because no one else knows what I'm talking about....oops. JESUS ROXY YOU A CELEBRITY TO ME

santa, please?!?! FUCKING EXCITED!!!

21st century piece of shit