i'm the davinci of creating long boring stories out of what should be a one-sentence explanation.

don't read if you become irritated when i choose to drone on about something i could've easily prevented.

sorry about the typos, i don't care (enough) to correct any mistakes i make

let me paint you a picture.


i get a call at 9:15 PM Saturday night to pick my sister and her friends up at a church where they saw a concert, or something, and bring them back to liz's house (sister's BFF). i wasn't doing anything so it wasn't really a big deal.

as i drive past noodles on my way to the church, i hear my phone ringing, disregard all logic(safety-wise) and answer it. molly says they're at noodles now, so i should pick them up there. i sigh, turn around and head into the noodles parking lot. as i'm parking, molly comes out to the car and makes a motion to roll the window down.

she hands me twenty-one dollars (?) and says i should go to dairy queen. why? because they all decided they are going to eat at noodles "real fast" and molly thinks it best i occupy myself at dq in the meantime. i give molly the finger, pull out of noodles in an incredibly unsafe manner, and order a blizzard. instead of sitting in my car in the dq parking lot eating the blizzard alone like a goddamn loser, i head over to do the same thing in the noodles parking lot. because at least there i have purpose.

fifteen minutes into molly's "sweet sixteen mix" (a cd i found in the car laden with the best of beyoncé, bo, breezy, and britney), i see all five of them exit noodles, giggling hysterically like some sort of fucking "high school is the best time of our lives" montage.

the five of them enter the car and sit in the four seats available, and completely ignore their chauffeur (who was at the time, gagging on her own hair which somehow got into her mouth after shoving it with blizzard). for a majority of the car ride, they choose to discuss which people texted them during the concert and how funny/how tragic/how fascinating this was. THE GIGGLING FAILS TO CEASE THE ENTIRE RIDE, DESPITE THE EXTENSIVE CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW WRONG DRUGS ARE AND THE MENACES OF THEIR ALMA MATERS (SMOKELAND AND STILLWHITER JR HIGH, RESPECTFULLY.)

i remain calm and mostly silent throughout the ride, only occasionally digging my index finger into my temple and fantasizing about crashing us all. their giggling overpowered the music, so i decided to focus my energies on what i would say to them as i dropped them off at liz's. i went through all the possible ways to convey fuck you and landed on snorting as they said "thank you for the ride" (if they said that.)

when we finally got to liz's after 24 minutes of giggles, they all say thank you for the ride and liz, the last one in the car says, "thanks so much for the ride, meg" and i immediately return with "you're welcome!" in the sweetest fucking tone i've ever heard myself utter.

and then i came home and blogged about it.


please don't feel the need to comment that i'm a pussy ballsac and shouldn't take that shit. i get it. i shouldn't take it but i do and i don't know why.