groan, rush, groan.

wake up to someone shoveling outside. god my house has the thinist walls. had some scary nyquil-induced dreams. actually glad to be awake.
still in bed, i listen for telling noises: my parent's shower is running. i hear my mom's voice in the kitchen.
i rush out of my bed and downstairs, as i've put two & two together and figured out my dad's in the shower - got to get something to eat before he gets out. i push aside the nagging thought that i'm really fucked up for constantly planning my in-house actions around avoiding my dad.
i get to the kitchen. molly's up. she groans when she sees me.
mom says, "you want to go to target with us?" molly groans louder. i say, "yes."; rush to get ready.
we go. mom looks at converse brand plaid shirts at target, molly at home decor. i stand there wondering why the hell i came. again. molly and mom look at eyelash curlers. i find a book- another nicholas sparks one (great). i stand around some more. i get a frappacino from the starbucks and ask mom if i can wait in the car. i go to the car with my mocha-frap and turn on KS95. depressing song is on. i wait. they come out of target after 10 minutes with a mountain of home decor: molly's fav. she's pms-ing so my mom is trying to pull her "out of her funk," as she says, by buying her shit. i start the CR-V's engine. mom asks if molly wants a jamba juice. i groan. we drive home. my dad is standing in the kitchen, mouth open, staring off into space (looking like a retard, but really listening to the sport-talk-radio that's on.) i groan again, run up to my room to blog.

creativity killed the cat

remember that shpeil (shpeil?) i wrote about youtube comments? well if you don't that's completely understandable and very normal of you so i'll recap here: they're creepy and sometimes utterly disturbing and i try to avoid them as much as possible.

ok so i was watching a music video for my new favorite song "after hours" (and btw i fell in love with the band watching this video) and found some uber creepy comments that i thought i'd share with you, just to like revisit my old rant:

yes, people actually wrote these.

being superbly self-conscious; being me.

ok. i have no idea if you guys are judging me or not (or rather, to what extent you are judging me) but i thought i'd write this to make my conscience feel better. after you're done leading your fabulous life filled with social activity for the day and possibly possibly maybe by chance go on to your blog and note that that Meghan girl has written four blogs today, none of significance, i want you to read this:

none of the below blog posts are significant, important, witty, charming, or cutesy in any way and i implore you to not bother reading them. if you do, i implore you once more to seek psychiatric guidance.

how do you 'monetize' something like this?

i realized today that i really need to get my license. the freedom that comes with having a license will be insane. i can't wait. but i have to practice parallel parking first. fuck! i have no motivation to practice whatsoever, so i'm guessing i'll get my license around this time next year. i'm retarded. retarded is an incredibly offensive thing to say but for some reason i keep using it like an ignorant asshole. this is a dense and random blog but i'm just gonna keep going cuz what? i'm retarded. ohhhhhhhhhhhbother. i also realized today that a person is gonna die before she accomplishes any of her insanely high goals. she's just so intense i'm afraid she'll just drop dead any day now of heart complications. today in ap, i was fortunate enough to be in her group, and was just shocked at how some one can be that...intense. i feel bad for her. she needs some serious counseling. i feel really dead. just like heavy, dead. god this is a sucky feeling to have. i can totally relate to court's most recent blog and found it quite insightful: every one feels the same way, but no one wants to be around some one who shows their feelings so we all walk around numb. it made me think that i'm really selfish because all i do is express my feelings in pissy-face form. it's insane how poetic she put it tho. i can't believe that girl. maybe she got it from a book. i'm writing about her like this cuz i'm almost one hundred percent sure she wont even bother reading this one because it's so dense and boring and pointless to read - so if anybody with an ounce of a life is reading this i suggest stopping immediately. i like writing so this blog isn't being made for an audience. molly's being really bitchy lately. i bet she's on her period. god that's such a sexist thing to say but i truly have my suspicions this time. not that i think about my sisters menstrual cycle a lot, or at all, it's just one of those things you say when a girl is being really bitchy. see? sexist. god i hate my life. why is it so...ugh what's that feeling that everyone feels but no one talks about because everyone walks around numb? goddddddd i feel like doing something but as soon as i start i know i'll just give up. that shows a healthy way of thinking does it not? lol get it? like healthy as in mental health but also physical health cuz i'm not exercising? oh good times. oooh i know i can write about my girl crush in art! she's so cool and funny. i'm not saying she's hot, cuz court confirmed to me that girl crush is a well used humorous term that doesn't imply any lesbionic tendencies. which is good. oh god i should stop nowwill i even publish this hot mess of a blog ughhhhhhhhhhh

urban cowboy

well it happened again. i was on the bus and i thought i was saying something totally relevant to tessa but it came out really stupid. the weird part is, when i'm saying the stupid thing, she hangs on to my every word like she actually cares about my dumbass opinion. i should really start that whole think-before-you-talk thing everyone does..

yesterday i was really proud of myself because i did a totally proactive afternoon routine. so today when i got home, i was super inspired, however this time i failed miserably. i thought ok, i'll do my homework, i won't pig out, i'll shower so i can straighten my hair tonight, i won't pig out, then i'll exercise! and won't pig out some more. yeah, right.

i put on my sports bra (i only own one --- i'm not active) and feel suuuper cool. i can do this. i put on a shirt, cuz i'm civilized, some shorts and socks and walk down to my basement to "work out." i didn't exactly think through the process of how i was going to "work out" but i was acting like it. so i get down there and sit to put on my tennis shoes and then---- completely collapse. i start going thru in my mind what "working out" would mean: putting on shoes, turning on the treadmill, running. what the hell? i thought, i'm not gonna do that! so i go upstairs and get myself some chocolate-brownie ice cream and sit down with the computer to see what Guiliana Rancic and Ashton Kutcher have tweeted today. oh, my self-esteem is thru the roof right now!

but as i sat down with my brownie ice cream and oreo (yes i restrained: only one oreo), i thought hey, if i do this then maybe i'll feel so guilty i'll have to work out! yes! what a brilliant plan. well, it's been twenty minutes and still nothing. i guess tomorrow will be big sweatshirt day.

"ehh, let's just call it done, i have very low standards"

firstly, i want to get this off my chest:

i hate that i always always always say the wrong thing around tessa*. it never fails. she'll say something compelling and i'll try to respond with something i think is purely relevant, but once i blurt it out i immediately regret it. for instance, today she said she no longer was friends with someone. i found this utterly shocking, but instead of saying some form of that i said, "oh yeah i can see that. honestly, when i talk to her, it doesn't really seem like she wants to be your friend anymore either." what the hell? what kind of bitch says something like that? i tried to cover it up by acting like a flustered spaz and retracting my statement (by literally saying, "i wish to retract my earlier statement!" ---what a nerd), but it was too late, and i saw the effect of my statement already grabbing hold of her immediate emotions. fuckme. court can back me up on this. why do you always seem to witness my spazzamattacks with tessa? it's odd...

*i kind of hope tessa doesn't read this.... we were talking on the bus today and she said she was going to start a blog... but she doesn't read right? please comment with your thoughts CourtTV

on behalf of all my fellow lepers

*my writing differs in POV thru out this but i don't care...enough to fix it at this point


i apologize. i know i'm one hot mess lately and i'm sorry you have to look at me. i blame it on the a-a-alcoh--- on my terrible immune system. i have the immune system of someone who's just contracted HIV.

it's like it's on its own fucked up schedule, and it never fails to miss a class. ever since 7th grade i've contracted the common cold, or the awkward disease as i've now deemed it, about three times a year for a period ranging from 2-4 weeks, or 5 weeks (case in point: the beginning of 8th grade- i set my own personal record!). not only does it never go away, but it always comes on during the worst possible time (i.e. the first day of school, coincidence? i think not.) also, seeing as its length is ridiculously long, it means i have such a shitty immune system that my body can never quite get rid of the virus (hence the HIV joke, which b-t-dubs, you should never kid about in public).
i haven't even had a full week of it yet and i'm already sick of the misery it's caused me.

i want the following things to end immediately following vnn:
- being the sniffle (more like snort) person, who's constantly gotta do just that while fellow studious pupils try to work and/or listen.
- being the person who distracts everyone by getting up to retrieve a kleenex (not a tissue; a kleenex).
- being the person who when you look at, you immediately want to look away, but you can't - cuz it's rude and they insist on talking.
- being the person that insists on talking despite the fact you not only sound gross but feel gross in knowing people have to look at you.
- being the person who jolts you awake from your in-class nap with their obnoxious coughing.
- being the person who desperately needs to clear their throat but is afraid that it will gross people out.
- being the person who you have to tell has a little somethin' somethin' there (and you're not talking about their sexiness and/or booty.)
- being the gross girl who's immediately deemed not cool because she has "allergies" (i.e. that chick from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide)

finito.

on the plus side, there's always meds (speaking of which---i just want to clarify that i was not suggesting that i abuse nyquil in my previous blog...i just use the recommended dosage and like it.)

oh lord help her

also, i'd like to share this tidbit with you before it gets lost in a sea of nyquil:

i feel personally responsible for the destruction of the rainforest(s?). i've used soooo many tissues as of late, i'm thinking of turning myself directly into Gore. perhaps i'll buy an old fashioned hankey... but then i'd have to waste lots of water washing it (another precious resource...but due to g.warm*, i guess we have plenty of it, what with ice melting everywhere...)

anyway, taking personal responsibility for the destruction of the world's natural resources is something that's really quite heavy, what with it resting on my flabby shoulders, so i'm turning in for the night (painfully early btw**, for anyone with an ounce of cool).

*yes, yes, i did make a nickname for global warming --deal with it.
**my sister has started using this phrase in non-text life; she says "b-t-dubs" every other sentence. it's quite odd and annoying. not unlike her calling my time with the computer "megHAN's special porn time". where does she get this shit?

yesssssssss

ladies and gentlemen (i gots to remember to stop calling the internet this), i remembered!

ok. because i'm [self-professed] obsessed myself (i bet that was cool to read), i seem to be constantly talking about my blog to you people. and everytime i hear myself say, "hey did you read my blog?" which happened about 6 trillion times today, i want to hit myself for being such a constant asshole.

so this is me pleading my case: i can't stop. so please don't feel the need to lie to me. if you haven't seen my blog (which i can totally see as a possibility), do NOT feel the need to say "yes" when i ask "hey did you see my blog?". please just confront me and say, "meg, you're being a total asshole. shut up." if you do this i will celebrate your glory forever and ever 'cause you just got me to stop talking about myself (and said blog.)

yay! i remembered!

dear daughters of the american revolution,

today was shitty. liz commented on my shitty day. what else is new?

i think i set up Speak for sonia way too much. it's not that good. i'm just obsessive. i'm pretty sure she's clear on that though.

i spent an hour straigtening my hair tonight...still looks like shit. i think i ruined my chi.

took some nyquil. apparently it's lost it's effect on me. speaking of which, i'm very frightened of what ragan thinks of me now. it can't be good.

i feel fat. i look fat. blurg! as liz lemon of 30 rock would say.

i started off this blog with a point....but got lost somewhere around "american revolution"... maybe nyquil still does have an effect on me. cool.

i'm glad gym class is over for the rest of my life *knock on wood*.

i'm glad...i'm glad...i'm glad there's quite seriously a constant ringing in my ears now    ...right.

what was my point? i'm sure i'll think of it once i close up shop.......... 'something to look forward to, i guess.

ooh- i'm glad i made tessa laugh today right before her apparent tears spilled out of her eyes. that was pretty cool of me; go meg.

i really want to subscribe to entertainment magazine. it's way cooler than tv guide magazine. maybe i could be the chick who carries around entertainment magazine everywhere instead of the chick who's in a constant state of pissy, or whatever i appear (or not appear, rather) to be.

i honestly had a point when i started this.