the perks of being a wallflower

i always bring books on trips with long car rides, and i never end up reading them. i rarely read books in general. i think this may be because when i do, they fucking hurt me. or because i'm lazy.

so roxy borrowed me the perks like a month ago, and i finally read it. last night, i was at my grandparents house and i was really bored, so i put in my headphones to tune everyone out and started reading. and at first i was like "what the fuck is wrong with this kid." and then i was like, "why did roxy think i would want to fucking read a child called it?!"and then i was like holy fucking shit. i sat there for like, six hours or so and read it (i'm a pretty slow reader) and i fucking cried and the only time i put the book down voluntarily was toward the end when *spoiler alert* we learn why charlie's so fucked up. and i put it down and my eyes couldn't focus on anything and i started scratching my right arm furiously even though it didn't itch (my version of a panic attack). and then i finished it and felt happy, and sad, and weird.

i don't know what to fucking think.

there are some quotes i fucking love and are probably a-floating in tumblr land somewhere...
i'd like to think their unique to me, and i'm the only one who loves them, but i know i ain't. anyways.. this is my favorite.** there's a lot more heartbreaking & insightful shit in the book. there's a lot of really simple shit about certain characters that you read and then you're onto the next line and then it hits you. *spoiler part* like for those who have read it: when patrick starts kissing charlie because he is so drunk and devastated and charlie just goes with it because he wants to be patrick's friend. and then later sam is all like, why did you let him do that? that is just great. and i really hope in the movie they keep the cigarette smoking thing. for some reason i keep thinking they're going to take it out. but i think it is so important to charlie as a character...that he just starts it even though he doesn't really want to. he just does it to be a friend and then it goes full circle with him smoking alone, and you're just like, why is he smoking. i don't know, it was stuff like that even more than the molestation, etc. that really killed me. OH! and when he took lsd and you don't know til the end and you're like that poor baby. anyway, that kid is cray and i love him even though he's fictional.

**fav quote
"i think that if i ever have kids, and they are upset, i won't tell them that people are starving in china or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. and even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. good and bad."



i'm also really anxious about the movie. for the first time in my life, i'd prefere unknown actors to play these guys. idk why. i saw paul rudd is playing bill and idk...it feels less personal this way. also, i looked on imbd and the guy who plays patrick is pretty strange looking, which sounds awful, but it's just not at all how i pictured him . the guy who's playing charlie is pretty cute. emma watson...i saw on youtube a video of her doing an american accent and it was pretty shitty, so i'm worried about that. and the smoking thing. idk why but that's really important to me. and the nineties thing. i'm sure they'll get that right though cuz studios love that shit.

p.s. sorry i dog-eared some pages on your book, roxy.