fuck it all to hell

this morning i woke up at the pleasant hour of 6:07 AM to the seizure-like pain of menstrual cramps, and i couldn't help but think to myself: wow, this has been the worst 24 hours in recent meghan history. an hour and a half later, the cramps have only subsided slightly (midol! slightly fuck!!!!!!!) and my eagerness to live lively at this time has definitely leveled out at a "fuck it all" point. wow and now my sister's showering at this hour while her friend sleeps in the basement??? (the shower might as well be in my bedroom; the sound of the water and the pipes are almost defeaning.)

this time yesterday i was also up. i did not awake from the natural causes that often occur during the summer such as the light of the sun or the heat of the day, but rather i awoke from intense stress about the day (and night) ahead of me. i kept imagining different scenarios in my head instead of dreaming or reliving last night's damages episode. it was upsetting, but hey, it got me up to get my laundry done by.... 5 PM the following afternoon. and that's how my day went: motivated by the need to clean different linens.

but the laundry's not what made the last 24 hours the worst in recent meghan history

- my fish died yesterday morning. i wasn't attached to it at all towards the end and frankly, i was sick of cleaning the bowl every month... i was becoming quite negligent with poor theo. so naturally after his death (that i had wished for days earlier), i broke out into a sweat and realized what i had done.

guilt poured over me as i removed his lifeless body from his bowl and registered that his death was entirely my fault. the beta fish, ((born into the brutal captivity that is the 3 in. radius plastic Pet Store Cup and saved from the notorious fish-fighting-ring by animal rights activist liz)), only wanted a little peace of mind when i scooped him into the bowl that is my home. sure, this is intense hyperbole, but it's exactly what i was thinking when i buried him in what is now the hoodbury sewage system. RIP Theodore.
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- obviously... harry potter. fully aware that i was in the battle trenches of PMS: Extreme Edition, i set in for a day of lockdown anxiety and uptightedness, as they all say.

i didn't want to see the end of harry potter. i fought tooth-and-tear not to see it. and by tooth i mean i stepped my best Foul Mood forward and prepared to temporarily disarm any friend i had sought days earlier for the very occasion. and by tear i mean i cried uncontrollably at the oddest of times and though i'm less than embarrased now, i'm still very confused.
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- when you say/text/imply that you can give someone a ride in your car, it holds more weight than sometimes the passenger chooses to believe.

you are held deeply responsible by yourself, your parents, the passenger, and their parents.

you are responsible for getting people to their destination (sometimes that's their home at 3 AM);
you are responsible for safely transporting them;
you are responsible for their life.

because let's face it: cars will let you down, and sometimes it's deadly. my car let me down last night. not in the deadly way, thank god, but it did lose battery seemingly out of no where. had it not been for some friendly strangers and the know-how of one miss courtney swan, i don't know where my hair would be at this point (the stress was making me massage my scalp at a vigorous pace...)

my point is life sucks. sometimes it seems like god is punishing you for basically, in the eyes of the law, killing your fish by giving you an entire day of cramps.

once i had written all of this out here on the internet, my ideal was to get back in bed and try to sleep more than two hours. but guess what i did, GUESSIT! i opened the door of my bedroom, oh-so creepily with a loose-but-still-very-V-neck shirt on and boxers, to find my sister's friend creeping out of her bathroom, hair soaking wet. AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD WHAT THE WHAT THE WHAT THE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP NOW?! WHERE IS MOLLY?! IS THE FRIEND STILL HERE?! HSDFGHID I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I A HATER YO