What I Learned From Black Swan:

• Not a whole lot because I only saw half the movie. The other half was spent staring tensely at the inside of my hat. 
• This dumbass director knows exactly what I really fear in a movie: bloody fingernails, pop up scenes featuring fiercely bloody old women, and bulimia. 
• No matter what medium, I despise ecstasy-driven dance club/rave scenes. They are intimidating and nauseating. 
• A fair way to seek revenge against Acacia after she rejects your need for hand-holding during an especially scary moment by moving her entire body a few scoots over, is to stretch your whole arm over her seat/lap/purse for the rest of the f-ing movie. That's right, bitch. 
• Every ballet dancer is a mutha-fuckin psycho.
• Mila Kunis is super hot.
• If the movie leaves you breathless at least twice, it will win a Golden Globe.