why we suck.

i suck.
i'm an incessant whiner. weiner. no, whiner.
   i'm not rich like those blank kids.
   i'm pissed because i don't have these boots.
   shit, i don't have those jeans.
   when i'm gonna get those shoes mom?!
   ugh.
   i don't have my own car, goddammit.

we all say shit like this. it's ridiculous shit. and i'm not writing this crap to irritate you. i know it's irritating, because i'm reading this and irritating myself.

but the truth be y'all that we are all really lucky. beyond insanely lucky. it's stupid really. so stupid. we get to actually say shit like

   whose car should we drive?
   let's just meet there because i don't want to have to drive and pick you up.
   let's go shopping after dunn bros and then we can stop by dq.
   let's buy this because we can.


and that's why we suck.
i say this because i think this, and i can't be the only one, but yet i know that i'm the only one. how?


and then i hear myself say that it would just like, totally suck if i had to get my undergraduate at a community college. my sister nods in agreement: how embarrassing.
and then my face gets red. really really red.
how can i say that? how can i possibly overlook the fact that i get the opportuntity to go to a college. i can look to the future and think yes, i will be going to school. any college; i can at least apply. i can speak freely about this and that. i can work and have a career and get paid the same amount as a man (oh, wait, we haven't fixed that yet?)  i will be buying more clothes. i will be throwing out more clothes. so old. i will be fucking eating the shit out of my kitchen pantry. yum.


yeah. we all have miserable lives. i'm miserable probably 50-60% of the time. and then 2% of the time i'm justifying why i'm miserable. and then another 2% of the time i'm declaring that i can't possibly be miserable because outside our sheltered hideway of middle-class suburbia is an entire world of utter shit. (and another 2% of the time i'm calculating my thinking processes into percentages. ha.)

so yeah, we suck. no offense though because i suck most of all.