aretha said it best.

people always ask me: Meghan, why are you so fortunate as to walk in the light?

and i always respond: Child, and obvious She's The Man supporter, let me let you in on a little secret: life is full of surprises. the most important of which is the affordable and quality haircare brand, Pantene. their products offer convenience and ease for every working girl. and best of all? their new line of Lucky Strike for the Average Girl shampoos and conditioners can make any less-than-fabulous female crazy with luck, power, and style.

but if i were to simply tell the truth, then my answer would be much less fun, and actually wouldn't exist because no one asks me that.  


what i'm so effortlessly and clearly conciously trying to get at here is that i don't walk in the light. in fact i don't walk in the dark either. more of the grayish area where dog shit and band-aids lie (sometimes usable, always ugly.)

but seriously. i'm so fed up with getting no respect. let me walk you thru an example of what i'm experiencing in the respect precinct:

i'm going to maggie moo's alone on a wednesday night (this wednesday night? yes this wednesday night), because frankly, when people back out of going to ice cream, i'm not just going to let my mouth down and not feed it some scrumptious red velvet with brownie chunks, am i? absolutely not. so i'm in the ice cream shoppe when i notice three or four girls my age all dressed in booty shorts and have annoyingly straightened hair. they are in front of me in line and have ridiculous voices and coach bags. they are all sampling different flavors and whining about whether to get the "marshmallow stuff." basically, i'm losing my patience and will power to not karate-kick their asses. but, because i'm of lower status then them, i silently stand there twirling my keys (i have no idea why i'm giving a second-by-second play-by-play, and i apologize). finally, one of them looks over at me (doesn't make eye contact though) and says, "Uh, guys, we should decide soon because there's...someone behind us" (giggling ensue.)

um, okay?

one by one, the idiots move down the line and it's my turn, right? wrong. a family of 5 walks in. suddenly three miniature idiots are poking their noses almost directly into the ice cream. the family cuts in line, obviously unaware of the code of conduct at that establishment (a process i've got down pat by now), and has now placed themselves at the head of the line. someone sighs heavily behind me. i can tell that the people working at Maggie's know i was next, but don't have the decency to inform this bunch. so, i stand there some more, watching  the brats sample some more ice cream (what the fuck's so cool about sampling anyway? just pick red velvet, and be done with it), and whine to their parents about being able to mix flavors. after 2.5 hours of the kiddos deciding what to get, the father of the bunch stares at my chest and says, "oh...you can go ahead of us, if you want."


as if he's doing me some huge favor. 


R-E-S-P-E-C-T.


well, thanks so much internet for providing me yet another way to bitch and moan and bitch and moan.