Colbert: "Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics."
Hey, y'all. I love Thanksgiving. I'm being genuine here. Why? No school. Hey do you guys like when I ask questions to myself in writing? I think it's pretty f-in douche-y but I repeatedly do it, and I shall continue, through out this post.
But like I said, I'm a fan of all School-Is-Not-In-Fucking-Session holidays. However, this holiday can really suck my nonexistent dick. We get Christmas off for the Christians to celebrate Jesus, we get St. Patrick's day off, once again for the Christians, to celebrate the Saint Patrick. We get Veteran's Day off to celebrate Christina's birthday.We get Martin Luther King Day off, right? He was a great man. You know who were not great men, though? The fucking Pilgrims, that's who. I know they started this whole diverse, American population thing, but they made a lot of mistakes along the way, and I think it's a little weird that we celebrate them in holiday-form. For instance, they drove the Native Americans off their (what?) native land, and then slaughtered them.
Even in our AP US HISTORY CLASS, we barely even touched on the "Indians" (as we're apparently supposed to call them, because textbooks enforce the logical). In fact, we didn't even talk about Thanksgiving at all, which I thought was weird considering we spent months on the "first" settelers of North America...And then the textbook got to the "Trail of Tears" which I thought was a pretty important part of history. But then we neglected to touch on that. We did talk for three days on whether Andrew Jackson represented the "common man" though.
My point is (you had a point? yes) that Thanksgiving is a really fucked up holiday. I know you guys have heard this from me before (I know last year, I think, we had a pretty long bus discussion on it), but I'm just so darn confused as to why we're celebrating how we fucked over the Native Americans, by eating the shit out of their land, etc.
This is my interpretation of the age-old story: So a long time ago, some mad-religious British peeps invaded this country and started to settle because they believed the native population to be quite inferior. So inferior in fact, that they belived the native people should be rapidly extinguished from the face of the Earth. But before they could kick them off their land, kill their livelihood (the cute-as-fuck buffalo) and rape and kill their women, they had to first steal some of their scavenging techniques. As it turns out, these inferior people actually became quite useful. After they taught the Pilgrims and such how to plant corn (and such and such) they began to become really annoying. How dare they stay on that land, when the White Man so clearly deserves it! So poof! Trail of Tears, et cetera et cetera. And now, even in the most modern of societies, we celebrate the day the native people taught us some shit about food and how we pretended to appreciate them for it. And then we eat a bunch of meat and food until we're so stuffed we have to throw that shit out....but I won't go into that and displease any more. I'm gonna shut my fucking trap. Just like....nevermind.
4 comments:
I totally agree. I like the whole "be thankful" thing, but the real history is mean. I said something along the lines of what you said above (just dulled down) and my cousins thought I was crazy. They would be the ones killing the buffalos I would bet on it.
agreed to the fullest extent.
agreed.
yes i like the whole thankful thing as well
Offense taken. JK. To the rest of the post, though: Touché.
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