new years ressie: part two

even though it's an ongoing joke just about everywhere that people never keep up with the ressies they make at new year, apparently, we should make them because it's part of being a (mentally) healthy person.

so i decided to "put the thoughts together" and think about what could make me healthier. then it occurred to me that i could exercise more. (creative, i know.) after that thought occured, then in flooded a hundred others that attacked me like sharp things that hurt. a specifically hurtful one was this:

i do not exercise. i haven't "exercised" in roughly 4 months. that's pretty fucking unhealthy. aren't we supposed to have an hour of exercise per day?.................. in fact, there's a good chance i'll die soon from cardiac arrest (remember that from last year?)...but i know it won't happen, i won't start exercising. when i get home from school i'm either tired or can't muster the motivation to do anything but eat or lay down/computerize. it's pathetic. then i'll have a boost of energy around 5 p.m. and what do i do then? i consider homework. i consider homework all the way up til sleepy-time and then i sleep and start that shit over.

so this is a dilemma.

WHY RAVEN WHY.

Why did you do this to me, Raven?! You were beautiful the way you were.

and the complaining starts.....NOW:

this day has sucked on so many levels. (like fucking a fat girl in an elevator, perhaps? bo song)


what was totally weird about it though, was that it went by quite quickly. unlike yesterday and the day before, which went by at ridiculously tedious paces, yet i was in high spirits (for me.) today went by relatively quicker, and i was annoyed about almost everything that happened.

let's make a list, shall we?

1. start the day off right: spanish class. let's take turns tossing two dice for twenty minutes. i love games. SO MUCH. 
2. english poetry presentations: why the FUCK are those necessary?! i don't care what this idiot's interpretation of the poem was. 
3. the psychology teacher was back today, which meant i couldn't pretend to "skip" after lunch, and it was just overall a much shittier hour. we had to share things about the essays we had just written. yes. we went around the room and everyone had to say three things about their essay. what the hell? i just wrote the essay. see those words on the page? that's all i have to say on the fucking the subject. 
4. then we got our personality test assignment, which is beyond ridiculous. i feel like the teacher tries as little as possible, just to see if we are still alive. here's the assignment: go online and take two personality quizzes. then write an "assessment" on them, basically saying whether you liked them or not. COME. ON. truthfully, who doesn't love those super-easy-do-it-in-my-sleep assignments...but it just really pissed me off. 
5. math test score 
6. can't see me my counselor until next tuesday...which makes absolutely no sense. what the hell is she doing? there are like 20 counselors in that school for a fucking reason, right?
7. went to the oral-surgery-place to get a check up. sat there for 15 minutes reading the same Newsweek magazine i had done the three previous times. 
8. then lady took a syringe and squirted water into the wisdom-teeth-holes. gross. food came out. and it hurt. i'm still sore. then she told me that for the next two weeks i have to squirt water into all 4 holes (so i guess i got 4 teeth out...nobody tells me anything) and rinse...AFTER EVERYTIME I EAT! do you know how much i eat?! a lot!!!!!!!!! what am i supposed to do at school?!!?!?! ahh fucking a. on the plus side, this could be an excellent diet method...i have no idea whether my extreme laziness will out weigh my overeating habit though. 
9. my mouth hurts badly now. again. and i'm all out of ibuprofin pills. a few vicodin left, however (magical plus side) but you can't have one on an empty stomach...so more syringe-squirting. 
10. i have to go eat dinner with my family at a restaurant for spanish class which means it'll take longer than 10 minutes and i can't escape afterwards. by the way, what's up with all these school assignments costing money? first i had to pay 10 bucks to go to the history center for history, now i have to pay for a meal for spanish? i feel like that's really wrong. 

this whole day has been really wrong. 

oh also

    11. glenn beck. motherfucker can kiss my ass. today, for kicks, i turned on his show, wondering what the fuss was all about. what.....an asshole.

sorry, this had to be done

see where my finger's pointing? yeah. it's saying 'suck my cock.'

chelsea chelsea bang bang

some days when i'm feelin' real down, i pick up a little-known book called chelsea chelsea bang bang. it's chelsea handler's third book to have gone numba one on nytimes bestseller list and has stayed there...for like a year.

not only is it really funny, but it makes me feel all sunshiney (p.s. who's with me in nicknaming courtney "sunshine" ?! it's a term of endearment [besides "bitch"] that i think really suits her.)

there is a particular chapter that i quite enjoy reading called, "grey gardens," which i don't entirely get because i haven't seen the movie, but nonetheless it's awesome. it's an anecdote about one of the many times she spent a weekend in bed. which sounds either really gross or really boring, but trust me it is neither. she describes (with jokes of course) how she just felt like blah so she stayed in bed and watched movies for days, got buzzed on bloody marys and vodka, slept, made hilarious phone calls, and ate a bunch of hot pockets. ok it sounds boring, but trust me, it's like picturing heaven. i would love to do that. i have done it, but never alone in my penthouse apartment, with the southern california sun shining in through the windows, (or when i was of legal drinking age.)

here's an excerpt ( <--- awful word yo) because i know YOU FUCKING CARE.

"If I had gone to the theater to see Definitely, Maybe, I would never have reacted the way I did watching it in bed. I didn't want it to end, I couldn't figure out which girl he was going to wind up with...I was bawling by the time the movie ended and not in a normal way."

Who doesn't love DefMaybs?! Best movie ever! Not really, but I love it!

"While I was pouring myself a vodka and Clamato juice, I briefly considered going for a run, and instead I went into my bathroom to get a Vicodin I had left over from the batch I was given after my vaginal-rejuvenation surgery. Before long I drifted into a very relaxing siesta."

Ahh!

"After we hung up, I looked at the clock. Eight P.M. Perfect movie starting time. I scrolled down and saw Sex and the City starting again at eight. I could have climaxed right then and there."


I swear it, that has happened to me before.

It's just...awesome, guys. I can borrow this book to anyone who wants it (oh yeah, warning! there are other, more interesting stories to behold in said book...)


On a different note, I've had a revelation. A simple one, but one I find reassuring.

You know when we are at school, and you ask me, "How are you?" and I say, "Shitty." And you go, "Ah, why?" and I say, "Why do you think---I'm at school (in my head i add 'dumbass' in there)" well here's the thing: it's true. i have found that i'm a real asshole when it comes to school. the institution brings me down, and i feel crappy there, and then i relay that crappiness to you guys. i am sorry. just know, the next time i'm real bitchy at school, it's not personal, it's just school. (i'm sure many of you have caught on to this by now.) i may be bitchy outside of high school, but don't take that personally either. well, why not. but i think i'm better when i'm not in that building...right? right.


thanks.

ridiculously cute man alert

in keeping with my constant efforts to never be productive (ever) i've gone off the youtube-bender, so to speak, and run across a few interesting clippies.

this one, which is pretty infamous on chelsea lately (there's an ongoing joke---seriously, it won't fricken end---about 50 cent and chelsea a-hookin up) i had seen before, but never realized how FUCKING ADORABLE THIS WITTLE RAPPER IS. HE IS SOOOOO CUTE! i love when he says that he went to the twilight premiere because he was a fan of "summit, an independent studio"!!! ridiculously cute man.

i am mesmerized by this interview

two rich motherfuckers having a grand ol time...a magical time...


however, i can't STAND oprah's interviewing skills. i love that she's super attentive and clearly enjoys herself, but i hate it when she interrupts, it's like she can't go one minute without hearing herself speak. don't get me wrong, i love when oprah talks, just when she's PRO-CLAM-INGGG something or introducing a new topic.

nothing negative to say about j.k. rowling....ever.

like mother like daughter

shut the. fuck up. now.

this make me want to procreate. that and every small baby ever borderline creepily started in a noodles&company.

to acacia AND sonia,

just saw y'alls blogs and i gots to say, YOU GOT NOTHING ON ME BABAYYYYYYY!

no animals were harmed in the taking of this photo. fo realz, i simply let out my pony and this shit went down.

peace and be merry. 

this is one of my faves: the "Well, what can you do?" pose. 




















ok ok ok, back by popular demand, my SEXY pose: 

new years ressie: go fuck yourself more.

lists. we all make lists, whether we want to admit to being that geeky or not. I MAKE LOTS OF LISTS. it's no secret that i'm invariably un-cool, so here we go. post it note lists, journal lists, mental lists, computer "stickie" lists, many many blog lists, etc.

it's also no secret that we all love checking/crossing out those items on the list. it makes us feel accomplished. or in my case, just lazy and/or resigned, as i probably just crossed it out because i simply refuse to do it. because here's another proclamation: I DON'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I FINISHED A LIST. you know how you make certain lists labeled 'To Do'? i don't remember the last time i marked off every single item. i'm that unmotivated that i refuse to...wash various linens....or refill the ink cartridge in the printer...so that got me thinking about new years resolutions, or ressies, as i have douche-ily renamed them.

i've decided to not even try to make a new years ressie because i know i will never accomplish it. even though ressies tend to be personal, people always share them weird self-righteous proclamation-type ways.... anyway, but i don't have one to preach share. i refuse to put the thoughts together in that way. i have no goals this year.

healthy stuff. WHO ELSE IS EMOTIONALLY UNHEALTHY THIS YEAR? please? anyone? or did you guys all write down something like
"Sonia: You are going to make a change in the world this year."
or "Christina: Get better grades because you are a god-awful student"
or the more likely: "Erin: Beat up an old lady this year---just for the hell of it!"

i do not know, y'all, i do not know.

peace and be merry

EDITOR'S EDITING EDIT:

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! A MERE HOUR AFTER I POSTED THIS MOTHER I GO ON TO HUFFINGTONPOST.COM. THEN I CLICKED ON ARIANNA HUFFINGTON'S BLOG, WHICH I HAVE NEVER EVER DONE, TO READ WHAT STUPID THING SHE HAD TO SAY TODAY, AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW, SHE BASICALLY SAID WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IN THIS DOUCHEY POST!!!!!

I BELIEVE IN FATE WHOLEHEATEDLY AND SOMETIMES WITHOUT CAUSE.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/sunday-roundup_159_b_803280.html