chelsea chelsea bang bang

some days when i'm feelin' real down, i pick up a little-known book called chelsea chelsea bang bang. it's chelsea handler's third book to have gone numba one on nytimes bestseller list and has stayed there...for like a year.

not only is it really funny, but it makes me feel all sunshiney (p.s. who's with me in nicknaming courtney "sunshine" ?! it's a term of endearment [besides "bitch"] that i think really suits her.)

there is a particular chapter that i quite enjoy reading called, "grey gardens," which i don't entirely get because i haven't seen the movie, but nonetheless it's awesome. it's an anecdote about one of the many times she spent a weekend in bed. which sounds either really gross or really boring, but trust me it is neither. she describes (with jokes of course) how she just felt like blah so she stayed in bed and watched movies for days, got buzzed on bloody marys and vodka, slept, made hilarious phone calls, and ate a bunch of hot pockets. ok it sounds boring, but trust me, it's like picturing heaven. i would love to do that. i have done it, but never alone in my penthouse apartment, with the southern california sun shining in through the windows, (or when i was of legal drinking age.)

here's an excerpt ( <--- awful word yo) because i know YOU FUCKING CARE.

"If I had gone to the theater to see Definitely, Maybe, I would never have reacted the way I did watching it in bed. I didn't want it to end, I couldn't figure out which girl he was going to wind up with...I was bawling by the time the movie ended and not in a normal way."

Who doesn't love DefMaybs?! Best movie ever! Not really, but I love it!

"While I was pouring myself a vodka and Clamato juice, I briefly considered going for a run, and instead I went into my bathroom to get a Vicodin I had left over from the batch I was given after my vaginal-rejuvenation surgery. Before long I drifted into a very relaxing siesta."

Ahh!

"After we hung up, I looked at the clock. Eight P.M. Perfect movie starting time. I scrolled down and saw Sex and the City starting again at eight. I could have climaxed right then and there."


I swear it, that has happened to me before.

It's just...awesome, guys. I can borrow this book to anyone who wants it (oh yeah, warning! there are other, more interesting stories to behold in said book...)


On a different note, I've had a revelation. A simple one, but one I find reassuring.

You know when we are at school, and you ask me, "How are you?" and I say, "Shitty." And you go, "Ah, why?" and I say, "Why do you think---I'm at school (in my head i add 'dumbass' in there)" well here's the thing: it's true. i have found that i'm a real asshole when it comes to school. the institution brings me down, and i feel crappy there, and then i relay that crappiness to you guys. i am sorry. just know, the next time i'm real bitchy at school, it's not personal, it's just school. (i'm sure many of you have caught on to this by now.) i may be bitchy outside of high school, but don't take that personally either. well, why not. but i think i'm better when i'm not in that building...right? right.


thanks.