day 13 - "three confessions of your choice"

1.  I lied. I do take comfort in the fact that I'm the only person who finds that sitcom Happy Endings funny. That does not stop me from evangelizing the hell out of it, though. Please. Everyone. Go to Hulu. Watch an episode, just for shits and giggles. And we'll see...We'll see...
2.  Saying "go fuck yourself" means absolutely nothing to me. It holds no significance or depth or value in my eyes. So go ahead, say it to me. But don't you dare FUCK WITH ME ABOUT MOVIES. Because I will cry.
3. I rarely, if ever, know when the month has 30 or 31 days. And don't even get me started on February.


This isn't relevant, I know that:

PREACH! (different subject)

PREACH! (last one)

my resume

Education:

high school student

Employment history:

babysitting

Skills:

crying under pressure

ability to make any situation awkward

world record for worst short-term memory

tendency towards customer dissatisfaction

easily annoyed 

world's worst reference list

ability to have little-to-no patience for most any given situation

few morals; if it's a slow day, i'd have no problem stealing shit

day 12 - snapshot of your desktop

well this one is idiotic:

sorry tumblr person who created the 30 day challenge...but i'm not that interesting.

i live off this shit

however, you can tell he really didn't go to each state around Michigan (there are palm trees in the background.)

day 11 - favorite quote

i do not have a favorite quote because i honestly don't remember them when i randomly like what someone has said. and i don't go around memorizing famous poetic phrases because of this memory issue. i suppose i really like liz's blog quote: "tough times don't last, but tough people do." it's pretty honest and not too corny. it reminds you that even the shittiest of shit can stop at any given point.

i really like funny movie quotes. but i can never remember them either. only until my sister or erin says one randomly do i ask which movie it is from and then remember the scene.

so imma just settle with this: "haters gone hate." i don't know the origin of it, but i know it's just gangsta enough to suit my needs and it speaks the truth. and the truth shall set ye free.

day 10 - "if you could only live off one food or beverage for the rest of your life..."

this is a super dumb question, not gonna lie. i don't like it, and i don't approve of it. how can i choose one food or beverage for the rest of my life? obviously, this aforementioned life isn't going to be very long if i'm living off one goddamn thing, so what's the point?

ugh.

for some reason chocolate milk keeps coming to mind and i don't know why, because i think the last time i had it was literally 12 years ago.

i don't know. some sort of rich, decadent chocolate. if i'm going to die from malnutrition i might as well indulge.

i always thought imgfave.com was amusing..

but then this happened:

and my life changed forever. god bless america. 

if you are confused i'd be more than happy to explain it to you in person. so freakin happy.

annoying thing that happens at concerts now

day 9 - pet peeves

my life is one long list of pet peeves. i rarely hide my anger, my hurt, my disgust, my annoyance with almost anything. so if i were to write down all my pet peeves it would be a very long post, and i'm not real intuh that.


women's public restrooms. honestly, you are women. you should be able to get your shit together enough to not pee of the seat.

authority figures. i have never been comfortable with people telling me what to do. i think it's maybe because i was a relatively wuss-ass child and so my parents rarely had to direct my behavior. if i respect the adult, then maybe i find some sort of satisfaction in seeing through to their demands. but mostly i'm not great with controlling my disdain for it. (re: school).

busy work. since the start of high school i've realized that i'd prefer a coloring sheet over a lecture most times. but that doesn't mean i like it. i hate reading comprehension worksheets, diagrams to color and webquests. i find them dumb and annoying. (re: spanish class)

people who throw bottles and cans into the trash bin when there is a recycling bin a few paces away. why? i don't get it. it's not that hard.

smirks.

life.

day 8 - "three things you want to say to different people"

this is a very unspecific question. it's like that one: if you had to invite one person, dead or alive, to dinner, who would it be? like...that's quite a broad range of people to choose from. i hear most people say jesus. but i feel like i wouldn't have anything intelligent or thoughtful to say to him.

so anyway, i'll do something less meaningful.



Justin Bieber (and by correlation Selena Gomez): You look like idiots. Keep it in your fucking pants, I say. No one wants to see you bone her from behind (picture) and no one wants to see you frolicking in Hawaii or anywhere else for that matter. I mean honestly, if I had to pick, I'd much prefer David and Victoria frolicking.

Target cashier: Look lady, I'm sorry you are so very little and I'm sorry you keep getting me as a customer. I'm sorry because it must be annoying that I keep buying bags of Cheetos and you have to just stand there being nice about it. No one should be nice about it. And you need to eat a bag of Cheetos yourself, from the looks of you.

Sonia: your hair does not look like dreadlocks.

must...shield...eyes...wait, what?

ok...wtf...does anyone else find this weird? i don't know. i'm weirded out. maybe it's the age difference? maybe it's the age in general? the nonchalant-ness? his tattoo? they're vacationing together now? i thought he was a baby! never say never! whaa...why do i care about this topic.

...WAIT. What?!

are they playing a joke on us? i need chelsea lately to get to the bottom of this, immediately.

day 7 - "do you read? what are your favorite books?"

i honestly think our school discourages reading.

evidence:

1. silent reading time: has always been traumatizing for me. either we have to read books off some dumb list, my stomach screeches (and the world slowly ends), or i can't focus for that amount of time/could be doing other shit.

2. when i do read in class, it's during a time that's reserved for work. homework? classwork? i don't give a shit. i'm bored as fucking hell and want to read these pages. these few pages. but no. first, ten different people have to inquire what exactly it is i'm reading. (note: in the beginning of the year i thought book covers would discourage this, but it actually has the opposite effect on my dear classmates.)

3. then, some teachers have the nerve to tell you what you can and cannot do when they're not lecturing. this really gets me, really festers. i feel like as a junior with well-enough grades, i can afford to read whenever the fuck i want to. and it's not like i'm taking out my iPhone to play games or something; it's educational shit (i'm looking at you, mr. b, who forced me to read my book in the back room..?!)


okay. so yes. i read. not as much as some people, but i consider myself a semi-active reader. if the book is good, it not only cures boredom in the classroom, but actually works well outside of the school setting as a tool to avoid homework and as a break from television commercials. and like any sane person, if i like a book i become deeply emotionally attached to whatever it is i just read until i move on to the next one.

i remember maybe a year ago i blogged about speak, which i fuckin loved, but don't cherish that much anymore. i could say harry potter,  but for me that's not reading. it's full on entertainment: it has memories attached to it and sentimental qualities and remains to be what i consider a portion of my ever-logical personality. i also want to say the help, but i feel like i read that too recently for it to be a lasting characteristic of myself (my favorite book.) er.......i really liked the great gatsby. i thought the characters were amazing and that the setting was transformative of my english experience for that month or so.

i don't know. i reeeally don't.

you need to stop

A few minutes ago, finally met with the groggy consequences of sleep deprivation, I zipped up my backpack (who am I kidding? It wasn't open) turned off the lights in my "office" (AKA site of LethargicFest 2011) put in my earphones and cranked up my iTunes Pass of the new Death Cab For Cutie album (5 songs that can be administered at will) (Damn, there are a lot of parentheses in this one sentence.)

I was finally at peace after a long day of school and a long hour of reading the newest issue of Entertainment Weekly (it was a double issue) when I heard my stay-at-home Father, the role he has apparently chosen for today, call me up for dinner.

Except he doesn't call me up for dinner like a normal person. In the most impatient, condescending tone possible he screams, "MEHH-EGG!" down the basement stairs. He says it the first time like it is the 100th time he has nagged me to endure the family dinner. It is enough to make me wanna scream FUCKING SHUT UP at the top of my lungs.

 And honestly, I had a tough time keeping the swear words in my head as I sat down for dinner. Does that ever happen to anyone else? I was thinking these words so loudly I got scared a few had actually slipped out. While reaching for salt with one hand I had to move my other hand to force down the impending middle finger on the salt-grabber.

As I sat there, stewing, I was thinking about how my life is pretty great, comparatively. I shouldn't have a "stewing" hatred for these people; they feed me and clothe me plentifully and they don't hit or neglect me. They can be charming and sweet and generous and yet at the same time, it takes enormous energy for me to not scream at the top of my lungs explosive expletives at their fucking faces.

Whenever my dad delivers what appears to be a rehearsed monologue (because he's the only one talking) of sarcastic quips to whatever action has just occurred at the table, I want to look him right in the eye and say: Listen, Fucker, you need to stop. Just stop.

I need a xanex.

day 6

what band or musician is most important to you?

um, this is like...really hard. like...totally hard. ummm.

i don't think i can pick. i really humm for death cab for cutie. i don't have all of their songs and i haven't been to their concert, but it's just a few songs that absolutely leave me in a dazed puddle. i can't even function properly after a good listen..ha. um

may 31 y'all. may 31.



some songs to check out if you haven't already

- the sound of settling
- i will follow you into the dark (obv)
- soul meets body
- CROOKED TEETH
- 405
- you are a tourist
- why you'd want to live here

once a day keeps the doctors away?

patterns

torii hunter
ladi-da-dee-da
   ~ exception (i'll deny it for the rest of my life): gangly skinny-assed white boy in jr high; adam brody ~
jay
taye diggs (from rent)
kid cudi
donald glover
wiz k
jackson from grey's anatomy


matt damon (exception that shall never be denied)

random shit on my mind

#5

It occurred to me, just now, five days into doing this, that I should've been writing: "DAY ___" instead of "#___"..................damn it.


Anyway, here are 5 places I want to visit:

1. Manhattan Beach, CA (and by "visit" i mean "die a happy death")
2. Tokyo, Japan. On account that it is awesome.
3. Edinburgh, Scotland. If you don't get this reference, I'm not quite sure we can be friends.
4. Malibu, CA (even though it's relatively intimidating)
5. Oaxaca, Mexico. On account of its name and the extensive amount of research I've done on it in Spanish class.

P.S. Why the fuck has only one person verbally or technologically confronted me about the boner poem?

#4

There is no meaning behind my blogger name. Just me being really uncreative and lazy, ass usual.

#3...sorry

My day in unfortunate great detail:

I woke up at 9 AM to pee, and to, for some reason, look at my phone. I don't know why but someone had actually texted me during the time I was sleeping: my sister. At approximately 2:30 AM she had texted me asking if I could pick her up in the morning. This was odd because I had no idea she wasn't in the house and because fuck that, I'm sleeping. Only not fuck that because then I couldn't go back to sleep, wondering when I would need to pick her up. Sure, I texted her asking when/where/how/why/etc but she never texted back. She's courteous like that.

Then I went downstairs with a mindset of asking for waffles, which I eventually did, only to take back my request on account that my mother was annoying about it. My parents were just walking and standing around the kitchen and I was just sitting there, waiting for them to leave, but they didn't. At this point I got impatient and left a nasty voicemail on Erin's cell. She didn't call me back until halfway through Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. We decided on waffles for lunch at the Hoodbury Cafe, because at that point she had already eaten breakfast.

After the inevitable confusion of planning an event with me, we went to Hoodbury Cafe. The table was wet and the booth had crumbs on it so I immediately felt uncomfortable. But then we got the menu and I ordered a chocolate-chip-cookie-dough pancake and started to ease into the experience. After some odd conversation, we got our meal and ate quite a bit. Quite...a...bit.

Then we went to the Verizon Wireless store because Molly wanted to look at phones. There was someone I knew there but I didn't care all that much. I looked at the Blackberries and found them to be the best possible option. We left 3 minutes in without any purchases.

We proceeded to my house to pee and change and from there went to Erin's house where her mother would drive us to a mall in the city of flowers. After we had parked, we got locked out of the car with the keys and Erin's mom's purse and such inside. Erin's mom called AAA (triple A) and she waited while we went shopping. I got a ring from Aerie that began to unwind as I slid it on my finger. I returned it and exchanged it for a much more suitable metal one.

Other shit happened. (This got way to boring too write so I can only imagine how it reads.)

#2

10 Likes:

1. Forceful sunshine accompanied by actual warmth (interesting concept, right MN?)
2. Iced coffee (when done properly)
3. Juno soundtrack
4. Colors of California
5. Surprisingly short states of uninterrupted peace amongst friends
6. Online television
7. Listening to a Death Cab for Cutie song with my eyes closed
8. Susan Sarandon's voice...
9. Quick text-backs
10. When a favorite TV show does a sex scene tastefully. Not gonna lie. 

10 Dislikes

1. When my mom comes downstairs to do something; talks to my dogs like they're humans meanwhile not actively acknowledging my presence but still being obvious that she disapproves of whatever i'm doing/sees me. I don't know how to describe it but it's dislikable. 
2. Walking into a room and my dad being there. Sounds cruel, but I'm being honest. 
3. Cliffhanger season finales. It's just rude to treat your loyal audience that way. 
4. Cold toes; noses
5. Participation points: How about you participate in fucking yourself? And then I'll grade you on it, teach. 
6. Public restrooms; used tampons on ground; shit in the toilet; see-through toilet paper; when they don't provide toilet seat covers; pubic hair on seat...what the hell is with women and their autonomous pubes?!; people in stalls next to you...specifically when theyre crying (this must be a girls-only dislike); insufficient soap; non-automatic facilities
7. Internet commercials; ads that forestall your movement to a webpage; commercials that come in sets of 2 or more (fuck it, i'm leaving the site)
8. unsolicited advice, to put it politely
9. feeling deathly alone among friends
10. Blended coffee drinks with chunks of ice that overpower the entire experience. I'm damn serious about my coffee. 

#1

Day 1:

In addition to thinking this looks the shit,

i also have a hankering for plain toast. 

for sonia

thought dis was hott

sonia and i: post-coital

obviously, one of us enjoyed ourselves more than the other. this picture was taken before she ditched me claiming she had to go visit a friend who" just had surgery."






  right. 
but in all seriousness, why are we sitting on a bed and why do i have a look of slight satisfaction on my face?

i want to go to there

hence

because i'm really bored and i found tina fey's bossypants in my backpack, i'm going to recite (rewrite?) my favorite excerpt, so everyone can enjoy.

it's an anecdote about feminism, and you'll notice i liked it so much i put it up as my blog description. obviously, a lot of time and effort goes into choosing each blog description, so you should take careful notice of what the following says. (kidding. but still.)

Amy Poehler was new to SNL and we were all crowded into the 17th floor writers' room, waiting for the Wednesday read-through to start. There were always a lot of noisy "comedy bits" going on in that room. Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can't remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and "unladylike." Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said "Stop that! It's not cute! I don't like it." Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. "I don't fucking care if you like it." 

ahhha!

class SUCKs.

i'm really bored right now and the sun is shining and i'm really pissed off that my english teacher, formerly known to me as a good teacher, is assigning us some dumbass assignment to write a play and perform it. i mean seriously? with 26 days left til school lets out, you're going to pull this shit? fuck you and fuck school.

thank you and good night.

cheetos SUCK.

Ok listen up.

Hi, my names is Meghan, and I'm obsessed with cheetos.

There, I admitted it.

I won't even capitalize them, they're so evil.

I posted that clip from Family Guy a few days ago, and it kind of confused some people. One person thought I was snorting substances...

But unfortunately, that's not the case.

I remember a world in which everyone liked cheetos and ate them plentifully. I remember a day in 3rd grade, during math class, we got them as prizes after some counting game (because obviously, I was still in a counting-oriented math class in 3rd grade) and everyone loved them! I licked one and thought it was horrendous and passed mine out to my classmates. Hopefully not the licked one. But probably.

Then, 10 years later, I still can't count. Then, 8 years later, I started having a craving. I was walking down the aisle at Target and BAM. Orange packaging. Fuck. Yes. 


It has not been pretty since that fateful purchase.

Then yesterday I ate my second whole bag and was disgusted, but very much relieved. But what do you know-- I find myself in Target again today buying another bag.

Do you know what that's called? ADDICTION. (In layman's terms.)

So please friends, coworkers, colleagues, and business executives(I'm looking at you, Nia): Stop me the next time I try to buy this shit.

Sincerely,
Col. Meghan Lee
P.h.D. in Shitty Narratives

sorry cesar millan

in a move that any self-respecting dog trainer would warn you dead against, i lifted dug onto my lap after he barked at me for attention while i was on my computer. he just sat there, contently, with his legs falling off my lap for a good 2 minutes. then he started to rest his head on my keyboard---borderline cute, line-crossing-ly annoying---so i set his 40 lb ass down. then what did the bitch do? he laid there on the ground licking his junk, like what i had just done for his spoiled ass was no big thing.

asshole.

my new obsession helppp

too lame for my own good.

no self-respecting 17 year old should spend as much time in Gap as i do.

what started out as an innocent daydream...

Erin's mom always wanted a girl. So when Erin was birthed on a sunny, warm December day in Miami, Kentucky, it was the happiest day of her life. She understood having a newborn baby would be tough, but she knew she could manage with the help of her loving husband and the baby's beautiful smile.

Then one day Erin's mom got preggers.

Again.


This time the doctor said it was going to be a boy. Well, Erin's mom thought, at least my husband will be happy. Little did she know, no one would be happy for a very long time.

When the first baby boy was born on a cool, crisp May day in Miami, Kentucky, the air was thick with tension. Everyone was on high alert, just in case a girl popped out. But alas no, it was a boy, and the baby came out sounding like it would for the rest of its life: disrespectful and obnoxious. "Sonofabitch!" little Erin screamed--because she was only 5 at the time, she still made very literal epithets.

Then one day Erin's mom got preggers. Bitch couldn't keep it in her pants!

For the second time in the row, she birthed a boy. On the same day, 1 year later, she birthed another. 3 boys and 1 girl made up the spawn of this Irish Catholic lass.

Fast-forward many years later: Erin is annoyed, to say the least. She stays in her room for extended periods of time. She hoards different sorts of crackers, chocolates, delectables, to satisfy the craving that no food can fill. She hears the eldest boy knocking on her door: "ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIN!" the little tormenter screams.  "ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIN time to rub my bellllllllllllly!!!!!!!!!"

"Erin!" her mom screams. "Rub the boy's damn belly!"

That was the last straw of hay in the haystack of life.

Erin went to her desk, and stood there. She looked off into space, stupidly, trying to figure out where she had stored her gun. Then she remembered, after a good 5 minutes, that she didn't own one. (Must've been all of that heavy metal she listens to.) She searched in her desk drawers and came up with the perfect weapon: a dagger (for when Erin goes hunting in the vast openess that is her backyard.) She opened her bedroom door and hurled the gun in the annoying shitstain's gut and that was the end of that.

When her family discovered the body of the eldest boy, they all breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
The family knew what Erin had done was wrong, but no one was complaining.

So the story ends triumphantly. Many of you have never heard of Erin's first brother (some of you have never heard of Erin at all) because he's been long gone now. Gone with the wind of time, of a period of everlasting hatred.

Whaaaaaaaaaa.

see if you can spot the lady inside the situation rm

[excluding girl w bangs in the back]

..!..

the worst headline i have ever set my gorgeous eyes on:

via eonline.com

Yes, That's Miley Cyrus Covering Nirvana

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b239697_yes_thats_miley_cyrus_covering_nirvana.html?cmpid=sn-000000-twitterfeed-365-topstories&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=twitterfeed&utm_campaign=twitterfeed_topstories&dlvrit=48939

nbc ads

let's be serious here. nbc isn't great at advertising. should i bring up the ill-fated (in my mind and my mind alone) "more colorful" campaign featuring Danny Pudi? i think that's best left unsaid. sure, they have thursday-night-comedy-night (there's no way that's the right slogan) but that's due to sheer comedic value, not an at-all-convincing advertising scheme.

but i have to admit, this is one of the better promos i have seen in a long time:

the last face cracks me up