oh, man, that's just great

hilarity

title

people always ask me: Meghan, how do you keep your wonderful figure?
and i always answer them: Darlings, it's all about moderation. will power. the strength the carry onward.
if there was any one way to describe me it would be about my strength and determination to see things thru til the end. to stay strong when situations test me, and to see the supreme being in any postive situation.






hey guys i'm gonna start something really boring: whenever i find something i read that i really like, i'm going to paste it on to a random post. get ready. for. the. excitement.


from the pioneer press, thursday august 26th: about an Islam awareness campaign that's reaching out to people who attend The Great Obesity Get Together. feel free to ignore this. i have high-lighted what i found note-worthy..
_______________________________________

The Great Minnesota Get-Together kicks off today. Folks from all four corners of the state and elsewhere are making the annual pilgrimage to the 12-day cultural celebration of everything that is "Minnesnowta."

Folks of all shapes and sizes<---obese people! rubbing shoulders and munching on fat-free cheese curds and Pronto Pups (fat-free until you take a bite, that is). The giant boar snoozing in the pungent Swine Barn. Kiddies giggling or screaming with delight at the Midway. The farm contraptions on display on Machinery Hill.

There's ear-to-ear grinning politicians groveling to secure a vote.

And — brand new this year — smiling volunteers handing out informational cards and chewing the fat with the curious on what Islam is all about.

Members of the 100-strong state chapter of the Islamic Circle of North America plan to hand out the cards in an unprecedented effort to educate fairgoers about a faith followed by an estimated one-quarter of the world's population. An estimated 170,000 Minnesotans practice the Islamic faith, according to the most recent census figures.

It is a little-known religion in America that, unless you have been living under a rock the past decade, has come under intense scrutiny following Sept. 11, 2001. It has fallen under increased suspicion again as the emotionally charged and much-politicized national debate over a proposed Islamic cultural center/mosque near Ground Zero in New York City continues to fester.

This is what the front of the card says:

"Islam is an Arabic word which means peaceful, willing submission — submission to the code of conduct ordained by God. So Islam is a religion, but it is also a complete way of life based on a voluntary relationship between an individual and his Creator. ..."

The awareness-raising campaign, which will occur at the Como and Snelling avenue fairground exits, will be followed by a radio ad to be played next week on WCCO-AM.

Here's what the ad will say:

Members of the 100-strong state chapter of the Islamic Circle of North America plan to hand out cards to educate fairgoers about the Islamic faith.

"Since the dawn of time humanity has always wondered who created them, what is the purpose of their life? Islam proclaims that they are created by one God with the sole purpose to worship Him alone and not to worship His creation. Peace is the outcome of submission to one God. Islam is not a new faith but the same divine truth preached by all the prophets of God."

The ad and the State Fair fliers encourage folks with questions to call 1-800-662-ISLAM and speak to a person of Muslim faith, real time. Folks can also get a free copy of the Quran, the Muslim holy book, which contains roughly 6,000 verses.

"We thought about doing this a year ago (at the State Fair), but we lacked the resources then," said Syed Muti ur Rahman, a chapter member and software developer of Muslim faith from Plymouth who was 16 when 9/11 went down.

"But given the rising tide of 'Islamophobia' taking place right now, this is as good a time as any to educate people about what (Islam) is really all about."

Yet Rahman acknowledged that as "Muslim Americans, I don't believe we have done nearly enough or a good job reaching out to explain that these acts of terrorism are abominations and not what the faith is all about."

Results of a major national survey on American attitudes toward Islam released this week affirm why the Islamic outreach effort might be a good thing.

The survey, conducted last week by the respected nonpartisan Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion and Public Life, found:

 Favorable opinions of Islam have declined since 2005.

 More Americans agree with those who object to the building of the NYC community center/mosque than supporters (51 percent to 34 percent)

 Republicans, the elderly and the less educated <---i love that these three things are grouped together!!!..there's a joke here...are more likely to look unfavorably upon Muslims or Islam and subscribe to the belief that the religion encourages more violence than other faiths.

Yet 62 percent say that Muslims should have the same rights as other religious groups to build houses of worship in their local communities. Still, one in four of those surveyed say local communities should be able to block mosques in their communities if they do not want them.

 Almost nine in 10 Americans acknowledged they knew nothing, little or some about Islam. Only 9 percent —predominately young and college-educated — said they knew a great deal about the religion.

Yes, ignorance is bliss. It also leads to fear and paranoia and misunderstanding about the difference between faith and radical extremism that uses faith to support hidden agendas.

 According to the survey, 55 percent say they do not know very much (30 percent) or know nothing at all (25 percent) about the Muslim religion and its practices; 35 percent say they know some about the religion; while just 9 percent say they know a great deal.

These numbers are largely unchanged from 2007, according to Alan Cooperman, an associate research director for the Pew Center division that conducted the survey.

Most Americans who took part in the survey, Cooperman noted, don't know even one person of Muslim faith.<---then couldn't they be biased with prejudice?

Only 41 percent reported they are acquainted with someone who is Muslim.

"But what we find in this and other surveys on other issues, which is consistent, is that those who actually know someone who is a Muslim are more likely to be favorable than unfavorable," Cooperman said.

So what will be the reaction to the Islamic outreach effort at the State Fairgrounds? Will it be like the incident in New York City on Tuesday when a taxi rider asked the driver is he was Muslim and then stabbed him with a knife when the man said yes?i didn't know about this..

Or will we Minnesotans be smarter and above all this ignorance and fear-mongering? Najam Qureshi bets me it will be the latter.

A Muslim American of Pakistani decent, Qureshi grew up in Minnesota and remembers the "pure entertainment" of taking in the rides on the State Fair's Midway when he was 8.

A supporter of the outreach program, Qureshi, 38, like Rahman a software engineer from Plymouth, believes that "like always, we as Minnesotans and a nation have done the right thing in the end. This is a great state and a great country."

The father of three, including a 6-month-old, Qureshi doesn't know whether it's worth the stroller and screaming-kid hassle of taking in the Fair this year.

But he reluctantly confided that he has a soft spot that might still lure him.

"I love (roasted) corn on the cob," he said. So do I, particularly sprinkled with salt, pepper and other condiments.

"But don't tell my wife that when she's not looking, I add on some of that butter," Qureshi said.

My lips are sealed.

live to bitch another day

retract, retract, retract.

aretha said it best.

people always ask me: Meghan, why are you so fortunate as to walk in the light?

and i always respond: Child, and obvious She's The Man supporter, let me let you in on a little secret: life is full of surprises. the most important of which is the affordable and quality haircare brand, Pantene. their products offer convenience and ease for every working girl. and best of all? their new line of Lucky Strike for the Average Girl shampoos and conditioners can make any less-than-fabulous female crazy with luck, power, and style.

but if i were to simply tell the truth, then my answer would be much less fun, and actually wouldn't exist because no one asks me that.  


what i'm so effortlessly and clearly conciously trying to get at here is that i don't walk in the light. in fact i don't walk in the dark either. more of the grayish area where dog shit and band-aids lie (sometimes usable, always ugly.)

but seriously. i'm so fed up with getting no respect. let me walk you thru an example of what i'm experiencing in the respect precinct:

i'm going to maggie moo's alone on a wednesday night (this wednesday night? yes this wednesday night), because frankly, when people back out of going to ice cream, i'm not just going to let my mouth down and not feed it some scrumptious red velvet with brownie chunks, am i? absolutely not. so i'm in the ice cream shoppe when i notice three or four girls my age all dressed in booty shorts and have annoyingly straightened hair. they are in front of me in line and have ridiculous voices and coach bags. they are all sampling different flavors and whining about whether to get the "marshmallow stuff." basically, i'm losing my patience and will power to not karate-kick their asses. but, because i'm of lower status then them, i silently stand there twirling my keys (i have no idea why i'm giving a second-by-second play-by-play, and i apologize). finally, one of them looks over at me (doesn't make eye contact though) and says, "Uh, guys, we should decide soon because there's...someone behind us" (giggling ensue.)

um, okay?

one by one, the idiots move down the line and it's my turn, right? wrong. a family of 5 walks in. suddenly three miniature idiots are poking their noses almost directly into the ice cream. the family cuts in line, obviously unaware of the code of conduct at that establishment (a process i've got down pat by now), and has now placed themselves at the head of the line. someone sighs heavily behind me. i can tell that the people working at Maggie's know i was next, but don't have the decency to inform this bunch. so, i stand there some more, watching  the brats sample some more ice cream (what the fuck's so cool about sampling anyway? just pick red velvet, and be done with it), and whine to their parents about being able to mix flavors. after 2.5 hours of the kiddos deciding what to get, the father of the bunch stares at my chest and says, "oh...you can go ahead of us, if you want."


as if he's doing me some huge favor. 


R-E-S-P-E-C-T.


well, thanks so much internet for providing me yet another way to bitch and moan and bitch and moan.

keep in mind i'm writing this with a southern accent. read it as so.

see this picture i drew? you can tell the stick-figure in the drawing is me, because a.) i have a body that's quite stick-like, duh, and b.) the hair is kinky (in the bad way) and Texas-big. (not like the size of Texas[-big], but like the women's hair on that show Dallas. *twang, twang*)

this leel pichure is the accompanying illustration to a little story i'm going to tell y'all. some say, "wow meghan, that right there is the story of your life, in an essence! twang twang." and i couldn't agree with those people more. mainly those people consist of my Southern friends (the best kind you can have, if you ask me), who gather in a bunch near St. Elmo's Pub... but that's a whole different story. I remember Georgetown like it was yesterday... *

cue single country guitar chord.


this story all starts on the eve of 2 pm this day, Tuesday, August 24th. there were a few things that were on my mind, this day: the most important being my bladder. not of steel, no, this one is---a couple of coffees later and she be pourin' like niagra. the falls. oh, yes.

 second thing on my mind: when the hell is molly walking out of that junior high school? WHEN. THE. HELL. QUESTION MARK.

third thing on my mind: why in the fuckity-world-fuck, did i buy this shirt? it's uglay. and not in gangsta cheerleader way, no, but in the wardrobe clusterfuck way.

you may be asking yourself, right about now, why in the world was i thinking all these thoughts? she can't handle that much on her mind! (which incidently brings me to  a different story involving my mom putting down my math skills in public, but we shall get to that in due time.)


well, world, gracious and giant world, i was thinking these thoughts, because i had been sitting in the CR-V for no less than TWO HOURS. in the JUNIOR HIGH PARKING LOT. THINKING ABOUT MY BLADDER.  AND OTHER MALPRACTICE SUITS.

granted, the story shutdown a few complaints ago, but you get the picture, so i'll wrap it up-Shrek-style for you. actually i won't, because no one falls in love and lives "happily ever after" until the next follow-up-massivly-grossing-film. uh, no. this story ends like all other real-life stories: a passive aggessive finale. no one was directly confronted about why i had to wait for my sister in a car for so long, and no one got shot. but lemme tell ya one thing, little missy: there were eye-rolls a plenty.


(when this wins a Pulitzer, i would like to thank Erin for all the Southern phrases she's graciously used around me. keep it Texas-big. Go big, or Go Home.Mosey)

such as that right there. points.

*reference to the movie St Elmos Fire

well chillin is the only thing you can do in Wisconsin. am i right? am i right??

Probably Not Number 77

Monday=Freshness. Like Feminine Hygiene Commercials.

so i figured, since it's a monday (20 minutes left), i should start my one a day now. 

...even though, when people see this blog, the starting/introductory one will come after...? oh shit. 

great. 

one a day vita-crave

i'm gonna go ahead and play god, and do this whole "one a day" blog that everyone's raving about. i know, yesterday there were hyphens...but those are long gone. a lot like my hymen. woahhh couldn't resist. .. that wasn't even a truthful dirty pun. not...truthful. (sigh)

anywho...

i'm gonna do a one-a-day blog about things that make me happy. i feel like, lately, i've been completely surrounded by bitchers and moaners (does that work?) and this is gonna be a refreshing safe haven. which btw, i know my blog is one for y'all. i know it. 


so this is just a heads-up post, warning y'all that SHITASTIC is taking a decidely downward step into the unknown: joy.
what makes meghan happy?
just a moment ago, you would've answered: absolutely nothing, beyotch. WRONG. not only does blogging make meghan happy, but so does obnoxious capitalization. chew on that sucker.

holla. holl-ah!

focus group.

well, lemme see....

i need to focus on a topic and write about it. i'd say the inspiration for that last Statement is liz's dense, one-a-day movie blogs. they be...inspiring. also, i just watched julie and julia...or is it julia and julie? i can never remember. mostly cuz that's a fucking ridiculous title. it ain't cute. it ain't clever. anyway, julie wrote dense, one-a-day cooking blogs. naturally, i find my blog to be sub-par even after that hot-mess-of-a-movie. (not dissin' meryl tho...she was great-as-per-ush.)

so should i do a one-a-day? probably not. i don't have the determination for that kind of commitment. i could take one-a-day vitamins though. or are they nutritional supplements? are those the same things? why am i questioning this? wait are they just for older women?

somehow, this post veered off course and didn't live up to it's notorious title. typical meghan! typical!

i've been filled with lots of regret lately. well, not "lately" because i do stupid shit a lot, so regret shadows me daily. don't know why i felt the need to express this in blog form as of now...

um

i really don't want to go to my grandparent's house this weekend. should be boring as shit, awkward as shit, and annoying as shit. mostly because i'm filled with hatred towards certain people right now and i don't want to spend massive amounts of time with them. ahem. (not that they're reading this, the "ahem" was almost completely random.)

i need a good book

oops.

it's funny. it's funny what can happen when you're all hopped up on inadequate wonka chocolate at midnight, and can't fall asleep.

honestly y'all, i don't remember writing the rant that is below this post. oops? yes. regret? maybe.

awww HELL NAWW.

i know i've bitched and moaned about this until i've been blue in the face (wow, meghan, how many cliche phrasicals can you add? how many??). but this made me shit my pants until the cows came home. that one really sucked, but so does this:




and this:

notice the donate button --->

courtney, you have to fucking watch the video to get what i'm talking about. 

what i'm talking about is the absurd notion that young people, who totally look up to fucking dakota fanning and just absolutely love her, give a shit that she cares about cancer. because guess fucking what? WE ALL DO. 

i think that this commercial is almost entirely superficial with its use of celebrities and the way that it's broadcasted. it's really taking the view of the american public down a few notches. like advertisers really believe that if they put out another celebrity cancer video, somehow, everyone will know about this "new and noteworthy" cause and donate. 

i just want to know how the fuck these stupidass "stand up to cancer" promos are helping anybody. 

before, i did a blog on how in the previous "SUTC" commercial, celebrities quite literally stood up on camera. 

this time, dakota fanning reads statistics so that we, the consumers (???), the public, get pulled in. but what are we getting pulled into? a commercial telling us cancer sucks. 

am i the only one who hates this? i find it repulsive. i am nauseous. why the fuck would CANCER need more publicity??? just look at those statistics her hollywoodhighness read to us: one in three women. dontcha think the PUBLIC already gets it?! and people who have cancer?? who've fought cancer? people who've lost loved ones to cancer?? do they need fucking dakota and zac to tell them we should start donating to research funds? 

hmm...yes...you know what guys? dakota's totally right! we should really get on that. you get that world? vanessa hudgens wants us to make a fund for cancer research. how brilliant! let's applaud her couragoues efforts. 

fuck you, hollywood. let's give the people a little more credit.




















p.s. i'm sure that when this video gets lots of hits, and it broadcasts on television, and the entertainers get more air time, and the charity brings in boatloads of cash from the sad sad public, who just find zac to be both appealing and wise for his age, they'll all give themselves a big pat on the back. so there's no need for me to bring it up again. (when i'm wrong and the public really didn't know about cancer til dakota told us.)


p.p.s. the ungrammatically correct use of quotations and italics indicate sarcasm where appropriate. sorry if its difficult to understand. :/


p.p.p.s. what's with all the girls in the still of the video/elevator scene all white? like, dudes, what happened to hollywood bein' all culturally aware and shit...? like..woah. ;)






SUPPLEMENTARY READING/me getting my shit together:
i'm all for celebrities bringing attention to their personalized causes, becuase it does work. if someone likes a celebrity, and they see promotion for the cause/organization, shit can get real. and i'm glad that celebrities found a better use of stardom. but i just think the cancer psas cross some sort of line... am i wrong? please comment if you want to voice an opinion

update on the chocolate:

i bought all three chocolate bars. it cost me ten bucks. one of them was especially shitastic. i regret this buy.

Advertising.

Commercials really annoy me. I'm sure I'm not alone on this. Anywhooooo....I think that Wonka does excellent advertising, becuase I've seen their (damn) commerical 300 times, and I really want to go out and buy some chocolate. And I will.

Persuasion...conquered.