instead of studying for spanish test

In a most certainly particular order...   Stay tuned for my critique of Who Should Have NOT Won The Oscar.

 Amy Adams... dayum! Girl lookin' 80s' and fine. I'd rather you have won than long-winded Melissa Leo...

 Mila Kunis... She's so hawwt. Apparently this is "off the runway"...so that's cool. I think I just like all purple dresses.



 Gwyneth Paltrow...sleek, stream lined, cool-as-a-cucumber, and why are you here again? Country Strong? Really?



 Javier Bardem (who has a surprisingly undetectable accent!! :( ) and Penelope Cruz (mostly because this is like the sexiest couple on the planet and she had a baby like a week ago)



 Cate Blanchett ....Piece of ART. bow down. 




Natalie Portman...Preggers! And that smile is totally saying, "I got this Oscar in the bag, bitches."




Annette Bening.....I REALLY WANT YOU TO WIN INSTEAD OF NATALIE BUT THAT'S OK.



Busy Phillips...because she's funny in Cougar Town? Um... I like this dress a lot and that's surprising.




Poor Sad Fella - I hope for your sake you don't win, buddy, because you might suffer a stroke of scaredycatness.




ok i don't know who the hell this person is, but she's popular on twitter without being a celebrity and she's funny.

this problem knows no bounds (of race...only age)

also

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND THIS BITCH IS ONE

WARRANT FOR ARREST

CRAZY MOFO

barefoot contessa

OK. Before I begin, I want to unnecessarily declare that I one of those toe-to-ankle things.

_

I have really ugly feet. Realistically I should be like Tina Fey/Liz Lemon and refuse to wear open-toe shoes. My feet are unusually wide and flat. I would definitely never be married in 17th century China. But let it be known: I love being barefoot. Up until this year I was barefoot whenever I could. Even in my freezing ass house in the winter. Even while sprinting down the asphalt street in the summer. I'm getting chills just thinking about walking barefoot on my cabin's gravel/dead grass driveway. Shit! It hurts! And then walking on to the concrete-cracked slab near the garage. And then accidently stepping into an ant hill on the sidewalk leading down to the lake. And then Fuck! stubbing my toe on the stone walkway to the house's basement walk-in. Then feeling the coldness of the concrete beneath the screened-in porch. Refreshing as fuck. Then running down the concrete walkway to the dock. My feet have become numb to their rough ridges . Then finally the warm sand and then FINALLY the wet sand and rocks beneath the gross, green water.

Hot-damn.

teach me how to dougie.

pedigree (?):
golden retriever, 10 weeks

naming history:

this is "dug" like from the movie Up. i hate this name. i call him "momo," up until recently for no particular reason, but now because i've renamed him (in my head) "moses."

other names:

"ohseemomo"
"poopy"
"sugamo" (short for "sugar" and "momo")
"...douglass"

key personality trait:

he's an asshole who's so fuckin' cute you pretend he's not.

holy. SHIT.

Creepy Back Story:

Saw this shot in the Rango commercial. Stewed for a second. Googled it. Found it. Posted it.

this is...boring?

idk why but i found this amusing (the end sentiments) and of couse---had to share.

fuck you, snow. we already have the fucking day off.

say whaaat

needless to say, i'm completely jealous of sonia's blog situation, and was considering boycotting the blogosphere (momentarily) as a form of peaceful resistance (i currently hate my blog design-age but can't find a better one.)

but once i saw this, i couldn't pass up the opportunity.

please watch the first few seconds of this video, in which justin kisses chelsea for wayy too long. it's oddly inappropriate, and what i like to call, great television. keep the improperness coming, j-beib. keep it coming... and while we are on the topic of oddness that i wish to continue: blog readers, please move your attention to the previous "master cleanse" //beyonce post, in which sonia comments...yeah...i'm just gonna let it settle ;)

old school

so here i am, sunday morning, drinking coffee alone, having just experienced a one-sided-guilt-rant from the mother[fucker]. if that doesn't say "old school blog worthy," i don't know what does. plus, i'm not capitalizing! ..the hatred is boiling inside of me, ready to crash through those "angry blogger" stereotypes ... because after all, i'm pissed about family not celebrities (this time.)

so, once again i awoke much earlier than i wanted to and went downstairs for some coffee (mistake #1) and murmered to my mom, who was sitting in the kitchen, that i wanted to get my hair cut (mistake #2). she then asks, "where?" which became a real repuslive question to me all of the sudden (i just woke up) so i said "i don't know"... and moved on.

she then took this as a jumping off point to get all her guilt-ridden-conflict with me off her chest, because god knows she can't communicate anything when it's actually happening. after scolding me for "leaving it out there" (???) that i wanted to get my haircut, but not adding any specifics, i was basically saying that i never want her around and that she "should get another job that is 7 days a week and then a night job so [i] never ever have to see [her]" and she kept going on and on....yah. at this point i was thinking, "SERIOUSLY, BITCH, NOW?! YOU SOUND LIKE A CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY PERSON!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHEN HAVE I EVER SAID THAT YOU INSANE MOTHER-FUCKER?!"

but of course i didn't say that, i didn't say anything. i just let her do her thing and then i left. because isn't that the most satisfying thing to do? no. but that's standard protocol, i've learned, when you're dealing with a psychotic "neglected" bitch. i wish i could yell at my parents like most of you do. thing is, i'm too scared. i mean if not answering a question and "leaving it out there" renders that kind of psychotic guilt trip, then i don't want to know what "talking back" gets me.*****

oh poop.


well.....let's all just enjoy this together:

<---the FACE!

*****scratch that. i have no problem with it. after making a poor decision to venture upstairs for coffee, i was greeted with our daily dose of the vegetarian argument.

• why don't you eat eggs, meghan? you are a vegetarian. you need this protein. 
• because eggs make me want to vomit til i die, mom and dad. we've been thru this.
• well you should try expanding your palette, meghan. 
• what the fuck, parents, my palette includes everyfuckingthing but meat and eggs. i love asparagus for chrissakes. god i'm gonna start eating meat just so you can shut the fuck up about it. it's been 3 fucking years and i haven't died yet.

(minus the swear words)