Hello Everyone,
Welcome to Meghan's blog. Home of the "Nothing Important," the "Random," the "Useless/Meaningless" and of course the "Boring Ass Piece of Shit Where Cool And Fun Come To Die."
Now that everyone's introduced, let's get right into it (my new favorite saying apparently.) And by "it" I mean vagina crevasse. Or how I originally spelled it, "krevis." Let's get right into that.
Funny story: while dissecting Ingrid today (the name of our dead cat in anatomy---named as such in order to decrease guilt in doing such work) my partners and I came up with quite a few "pussy" jokes. Please note the use of "partners" and "pussy" in the same sentence was purely an accident, but a genius one nonetheless. They were knee-slapping hilarious and I'll share a few. Please note, "pussy" is another word for "cat," an animal in which we were dissecting.
1.) Taylor wants to probe the pussy with a blunt tip. (A blunt tip probe is an instrument used in dissection but could also be misconstrued as a penis.)
2.) This pussy is so old that there is no feeling left in it.
3.) This pussy is suprisingly cold. Maybe if we rub it, the pussy will warm up.
4.) There is so much liquid coming from our pussy. Why is our pussy always wet?
5.) We have to massage the pussy over the sink, and then the liquid drips out.
Oh, yes.
Here's an unfunny story:
Today I was asked to babysit because the mother had to go to a funeral and wanted me to be at her house when her kids came home, because she could not be, but she would be home shortly after my arrival.
10 minutes into babysitting, she comes home, and starts to hand me $10 and is telling me all about how the funeral wasn't so sad because she didn't really know the girl and that she probably was going to have to go to another funeral this weekend because a friend of her's daughter has leukemia and will probably die within the next few days. You may be thinking to yourself, "Woah TMI Meghan, TMI." Well, I'm sorry, but that was exactly what I was thinking when she was telling all me this. Unneccessary details to tell your children's babysitter, if you ask me. Anyway, I'm slowly backing up towards the front door, ready to go, walking backwards, and she's continuing to walk towards me with the 10 dollar bill. Now I keep saying, "Oh no! I was only here 10 minutes, you don't need to pay me!" and she keeps saying "No no come on just take it!" and we're both giggling. Then she catches up to me walking towards the door and she does this really odd embrace of me (grabs my arms and her legs are almost entangled in mine) and shoves the bill into my hand. At this point I'm hysterically laughing from the awkwardness. She says "We'll work it out later" which gives me anxiety...I don't know what that means. As I'm walking out the door, I'm practically shaking. I'm so not good at that kind of stuff. In hindsight, she probably needed a hug/human contact from all that death she's dealing with, but I'm just the defenseless babysitter...right?
Grr.
Here's a particularly boring story:
When I got home today my mom was sitting at the counter with the iPad. I was annoyed that I had to go babysit right after coming home from school so I was running around the kitchen, trying to taste anything with flavor (because food and feelings are synonymous to me.) And all the while my mother is making expressions of frustration and annoyance at the iPad. Obviously some technical difficulty is taking place and she wants me to help her, but the grunting thing is really fucking annoying. So I help her and then leave.
The End.
best phone ever.
